Will write for food

Sometimes your bristles are up for a length of time. I'm less sensitive to it now because I've worked through my feelings after hearing so many attacks on how I use my time.

One of the most offensive experiences happened in front of a room full of strangers. I enrolled in a writing class because I wanted to hone my talents for observation. Besides, being in the same room with a bunch of creative people gets the juices flowing. However – this class was not what I'd hoped for, nor was the teacher gracious or encouraging.

In the first class, each person answered a few ice-breaker questions and talked about what they were interested in. I took the plunge, because I got some 'spiritual' vibes from the teacher, and stated my Faith. Gulp!

'Write what you know' was the beginning mantra. Well, what DID I know?? I was defining Home and still discovering myself. So, that's what I picked. I faithfully attended class, but my instructor harbored thinly-veiled hostilities. She banged the drum of active verbs and insisted I start my triteste with: 'I'm a wife; I don't work.'

“The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat” (2 Thes. 3:10).

I acquiesced because I've always trusted the Teacher more than myself. But, it felt like a Lie. And It was. But I no longer need to justify myself. I Do work – a lot. My status as a married woman does not change that. Even though I choose my compensation, my labor is not second-class.

Hourly v. Salary

I like the the mentality of hourly work; I like it's definite boundaries. Easier to define than salary, product-driven, or contract-work, wage work is less complicated.

Recently I heard a sermon on Ephesians 6:1-9 and I realized this teaching, along with another edict from Saint Paul (as follows), is fundamental to my work ethic. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving (Col. 3:23:24).

Since God sees everything I do, my fearful response is to work all the time, as if to Gain His Favor. I know that pace is unsustainable – I have limited focus and energy. I mush find balance between work and rest (daily and weekly). God modeled this for me by resting on the seventh day.

One challenge of working at home is that I always see the work that's unfinished – dishes in the sink, laundry in the hamper, dirt on the floor, piles of papers to be sorted. Even a consistent, conscious choice to look past those tasks only lasts so long. People need to eat! And while man does not live on bread alone, he does need bread.

God Rested 1/7^th of the time He Created. Could I use His scale for each day? (Maybe I should up the fraction, since I'm not All-Powerful.) One-sixth of each day allotted for work, not counting sleep time, because that would take more than its share while leaving me exhausted.

24 hours total = 8 hours sleep + 16 hours awake

2.67 hours for Resting...wow.

What counts as Resting?

Violence: Male v. Female

It's fascinating how deeply seeded the Male v. Female perspective is. I do not think I am sexist, but do acknowledge some inconsistencies in my attitudes toward members of each gender. 

[First of all, attitudes arise out of stereotypes, stereotypes out of generalizing, generalizing out of ignorance. When I don't take the time to know a person, it's easy to insert assumptions about them.]

The America I live in has taken much of its culture from Ancient Greece and Rome. Our calendar, our system of government, our mythology (as detailed by Mr. Wink, "Facing the Myth of Redemptive Violence").

Excerpt:

In the Babylonian myth ... violence is no problem. It is simply a primordial fact. ...Typically, a male war god residing in the sky fights a decisive battle with a female divine being, usually depicted as a monster or dragon, residing in the sea or abyss (the feminine element). Having vanquished the original enemy by war and murder, the victor fashions a cosmos from the monster’s corpse. Cosmic order requires the violent suppression of the feminine, and is mirrored in the social order by the subjection of women to men and people to ruler.

That last sentence blows me away. How insidious, the Lie that pits one part of humanity against the other, claiming to restore balance. Why can't the male war god and the female divine being get along? They don't reside in the same part of town. Why must it be either/or? It sounds like the Drive to Fix things can be Destructive. 

So - pair this cultural perspective with a Christian faith and you get - Confused. 

The biblical myth in Genesis 1 is diametrically opposed to all this (Genesis 1, it should be noted, was developed in Babylon during the Jewish captivity there as a direct rebuttal to the Babylonian myth). The Bible portrays a good God who creates a good creation. Chaos does not resist order. Good is prior to evil. Neither evil nor violence is part of the creation, but enter later, as a result of the first couple’s sin and the connivance of the serpent (Genesis 3). A basically good reality is thus corrupted by free decisions reached by creatures. In this far more complex and subtle explanation of the origins of things, violence emerges for the first time as a problem requiring solution.

Perhaps these two competing viewpoints play off each other when trying to interpret Scripture. For instance, the Apostle Peter extols readers to be gentle with the 'weaker partner' (1 Peter 3:7). His word choice leaves something to be desired. Would he change it if he saw what contention it has caused? It's true that women are (generally) weaker physically. Although men and women are created out of the same stuff, I think that is where most comparisons should stop. We both have bodies (although very different), feelings, active minds, needs, spirits...but comparing Apples to Pears is just not fair. 

But, back to my point - I agree that systems need a manager, nations need persons of authority, families need direction. However, the complete subjection of women to every whim and wish of men goes too far. Yet, even being a woman does not exempt me from being critical of Women, even objectifying them when encouraged to do so. 

Reading this article helped me to see through to the attitudes that have seeped into my unconscious. Realizing the ridiculousness of warring genders helps me see the dividing walls Satan builds. Once those walls are exposed, I see the Lies in contrast to the Truth: It is for Freedom that Messiah set you free (Gal. 5:1). Now, there is no male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus (Gal. 3:28). So, Be Reconciled to each other as you are to God through The Prince of Peace's work on the Cross. Through Him we have access to the Father (Eph. 2), and can put off the Old and put on the New (Eph. 4:22).

Quick and painless

Why do I worry so much?

Quote of the Week: Capon

I've seen some bloggers share thoughtful quotes; here's one I read today.
Spot on and thought-provoking. Also, it sheds new light on my baggage with music...

From Between Noon and Three by Robert Farrar Capon:
(Capon is speaking of the outrageousness of God's grace. Here he is responding to a reader's concern that he is not serious enough about morality. The Latin phrase, loco parentis, means 'in the parental role.')

If we are ever to enter fully into the glorious liberty of the children of God, we are going to have to spend more time thinking about freedom than we do. The church, by and large, has had a poor record of encouraging freedom. It has spent so much time inculcating in us the fear of making mistakes that it has made us like ill-taught piano students: we play our pieces, but we never really hear them because our main concern is not to make music, but to avoid some flub that will get us in Dutch. The church, having put itself in loco parentis, has been so afraid we will lose sight of the laws of our nature that it has made us care more about how we look than about who we are - made us act more like the subjects of a police state than fellow citizens of the saints....[we need] the ability to take our freedom seriously and act on it, to live not in fear of mistakes but in the knowledge that no mistake can hold a candle to the love that draws us home. My repentance, accordingly, is not so much for my failings but for the two-bit attitude toward them by which I made them more sovereign than grace. Grace - the imperative to hear the music, not just listen for errors - makes all infirmities occasions of glory.

Money = Commitment

For those of you that don't know this about me, spending money is a commitment to what is purchased and its implications.

For example, I have not yet purchased a light set for my bike. Last week, after day light's savings ended, I rode home in semi-darkness. Only few points of the ride were truly scary, but it gives one pause. It is easier for me to request bike lights as a gift - something practical that I need and would use. If I purchase the set myself, I make a commitment - in my mind - to use them, ride in the dark more often. And I don't know if I'm ready for that. Aha!

So, you see why spending money to be Fingerprinted is a big step for me. It is a real commitment to the process of Adoption.

But, I know this is our path because obstacles jump in front of us whenever we take a step. Three months ago, the day after we started reading through the application requirements, we received a 20 day notice to vacate, throwing us into a tailspin of house-hunting on an impossible schedule. That crisis was averted - Praise be to God - but the steps (and therefore challenges) have only begun.

Last night, several issues tried to stop us from going down to the Police Station. First of all, Bryce came home late - not his fault, but it happened. We had 20 minutes to eat and get out the door...which we accomplished, but then, in haste to clean up, a sauce bottle dropped to the floor, spilling glass and tastiness all over the floor - another 5 minutes gone. I quietly cursed Satan for so obviously getting in the way.

Fingerprinting is only offered at specific times; we had 20 minutes left. We sped down the hill to the station. The whole building was dark, but it's the Dark Season in Seattle these days, when the sun sadly goes down before 5pm, so I didn't worry. Three cars were parked in the lot. The front door was open, but not the second security door. The window was closed - they closed early! I was disappointed. It takes me awhile to work up the courage to take steps like this one...and not completing the step is a let down.

Even after writing the date three times during the day, hearing special Veteran's programs on NPR, reading FB friends grateful statements to those who serve our country, I did not remember it was a holiday until my small group members pointed it out!

Foiled this time - but, next week is coming...

Getting Fingerprinted

So, in order to apply for foster parenting and adoption, we have to be fingerprinted and send for a FBI report.

At first it feels weird, like I'm untrustworthy or something. Like I might be a Criminal. Like I AM one...

Then, I found out that school teachers and insurance professionals have to be fingerprinted. Well, maybe it's not too bad. I highly esteem those professions and the people who dedicate their lives in services.

A dear friend of mine also helped me process through this weird hurdle. God went through HUGE hoops to bring us into His family. Why should following in His footsteps be so easy? I actually do want systems in place to protect children. Boundaries should be erected because there ARE monsters out there.

It's just a new experience for me to start one the side of Possible-Monster and slowly step through the many gates put in front of everyone, ordinary people trying to do extraordinary things.

We must error on the side of protection.

This process requires Patience.

But I will be found a capable, loving parent – by the Grace of God -- eventually.

Trafficking essential subject, but truth missed in movie: Taken

I do not understand how men who raise daughters could ever sell women as business.

I watched the “action-packed, adrenaline-fuel ride” movie “Taken” last weekend. It was action-packed for sure – the gunshots and breaking of faces paused only to acquire the next piece of the puzzle...then, repeat.

Perhaps Mr. Neeson needed an outlet for his anger after losing his real-life wife in a terrible accident. That is understandable. However, what is inexcusable is the movie's introduction of trafficking as an issue, then quickly tossing it aside to justify the use of any type of violence and destruction. All sacrificed for one...

At one point, the next-bad-guy-to-die grovelled in an elevator and said he had a daughter, too, but this was business; it was not personal. The problem is: it's always personal to someone when the topic is human trafficking and sexual exploitation of women. All men have a Mother, every woman is a Daughter, Sister, Mother.

What strikes me is the disconnect between raising a little girl and treating other girls (women) as if they are property, objects, inhuman, trash. How could that character go home, kiss his wife and caress his daughter's hair, after selling others to the highest bidder, never thinking twice about the pain and abuse they would suffer that very night and many to come? Never thinking those women go to their deaths – maybe not physically (although that's a good possibility), but to the death of every beautiful part of her soul.

I wish I could give my female perspective to all the men I know. Maybe it would start the uncomfortable, but important conversations rolling. Sex is personal for women. Our deepest desire is to be known and to be found beautiful. Exploitation shatters both of these needs in one stroke. Our deepest parts are explored through intercourse, physically and emotionally. If we are discarded afterward, passed around like something ordinary, or measured against a fantasy woman, we feel worse than ugly. We become wounded beyond repair. The deep, deep fear that we are not good enough for Love is realized. The LIE that we are worthless takes root and the Doubt Never Leaves. The hope of being found truly Beautiful is lost.

I cannot claim to comprehend men and how they are wired. I do understand men are different than women. I know every man is unique. I know there is a vast spectrum of satisfaction. And that there is a grave difference between desire and action, and yet...

A man once told me that rape is about power, not climax or desire. That information helps me get my head around part of the disconnect. Feeling powerless is never enjoyable; it's only natural for the youngest kid to kick the dog when he takes abuse from his older brothers...the totem pole always has a lower rung. It doesn't mean the boy hated the dog, exactly; she was in the way of his frustration and anger. But feeling powerless does not excuse taking power from another or abusing them; those who seek out the vulnerable go even farther down that dark, dark road.

The Myth of Redemptive Violence is that all levels of violence are allowed as long as you pursue what is Good and Right (Order, not Chaos). Although this movie plays on my hope to be worth that kind of run-across-the-world, will-not-be-stopped salvation, the reality is that so many women in this movie were not saved. The protagonist's daughter was the one in a million. And so many girls are caught in the real nightmare.

The only way I live knowing my world contains this Evil is this Truth: that my Jesus holds each one of them in His Loving Hands. He is right now doing a new work to bring about their rescue. He is the only one who is Mighty and Able to Save.

Standing in stark contrast to human ideas of Justice is One who did not consider Equality something to be grasped (although it was already His), but became a slave of Love – One sacrificed for all. Thank you, Jesus!

Food from the Earth

Perhaps this seems a few months late - in fact I did write this piece in the Spring. However it applies today because I'm preparing my garden beds for my Autumn Cover crop...

and God's promises are valid every day.

Ps. 104: 14 "He makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants for man to cultivate - bringing forth food from the earth."

Looking at the ground, it doesn't look like much - rocks, brown dirt, worms. It lays there, so passive, so still and calm. It receives the sunshine and the rain, knows the touch of frost and wind. Constantly shifting from Brown to Brown.

But Dirt has a secret life. Seeds are covered with Earth and the miracle of Green appears, neck first (revealing how risky Life is), then unbending its head to shake off the, now unnecessary, seed shell.

A vibrant seedling erupts from what looked like a Barren spot. As if that contrasting Green wasn't miracle enough, this sprout holds the promise of sustenance - it is Edible. When it grows large, it will sustain my body, bringing nutrients from the indigestible Earth into a form my body can use and a taste my tongue can enjoy.

Planting seeds and raising crops is often used as a metaphor for Faith, a lesson to Slow Down - return to humanity's Roots - the miracle of life. But even as a budding farmer (Agronomist, perhaps), this verse reminds me to meditate on Creator God, who established these systems that I take for granted. He is All Sustaining; by His will we live; for His pleasure. He gives Good Gifts to His children (Mt. 7:11) - all of us benefit from His Goodness whether we live by Faith or not, for He desires that none should be lost (2 Peter 3:9). He is So Good.

A Hole In Our Gospel: Chapters 9 & 10 (2 of many)

Imagine (this shouldn't be too hard for any of you) the media and government frenzy resulting from the crash of a passenger jet in the United States, killing all 220 aboard. You've likely been through the experience of observing that situation from afar at least once in your life.

Now imagine a day in which 100 airliners crash, killing 22,000 passengers in a single day. That's a big leap, but not quite out of the realm of imagination. It's the stuff that apocalyptic movies make their money on - the unreal experience of widespread death, destruction and chaos that lies just at the edge of the imaginable.

Finally imagine this catastrophe occurring every single day, each year. This is not the product of some sadistic crack-pot novelist. This is real life - yesterday, today, and tomorrow - for children living in poverty. This is tragedy in its most epic proportions.

That's my synopsis of Richard Stearn's illustration in Chapter 9. The depth of the tragedy is literally incomprehensible. Stearns aptly quotes Flannery O'Connor saying "The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it." And he also quotes Bono who says (his emphasis): "Fifteen thousand people dying needlessly every day from AIDS, TB, and malaria... This is Africa's crisis. That it's not on the nightly news, that we do not treat this as an emergency - that's our crisis."

Stearns goes on to ask: "So why does the crash of a single plane dominate the front pages of newspapers across the world while the equivalent of 100 planes filled with children crashing daily never reaches our ears? Perhaps one reason is that these kids who are dying are not our kids; they're somebody else's."

He doesn't point an accusatory finger, in fact he owns up to his own inability to cope with the overwhelming statistics, admitting that it takes only a few weeks for himself to become numb to the problem after returning from the depths of poverty in Africa. In Chapter 10 he explains the difficulty of these overwhelming statistics:

... that very statistic, so critical to our understanding of the extent and urgency fo the plight of the world's children, also begins to obscure the humanity, the dignity, and the worth of each of those children. It takes away their names, and their stories, homogenizes their personalities, and cheapens the value of each individual child, created in the very image of God. Statistics can become... just one more way to walk by on the other side of the road.

Stearns references a university study which performed behavioral experiments showing that the story of one child was more compelling than the suffering of millions, asking "Was it not this flaw in our human character that allowed the holocaust and the Rwanda genocide to occur?"

I too feel deeply flawed in my inability to care for the nameless millions suffering on this earth. I may not be able to accomplish much on my own, but I will accomplish absolutely nothing if I don't let this truth form my beliefs and behaviors.

Loving Freedom

 
"In the Sermon on the Mount and in other places Jesus is asking his followers to see that the way to more abundant life is the way of love. We are to love one another, and this love is to be more comprehensive than our love for family and friends and tribe and nation. We are to love our neighbors though they may be strangers to us. We are to love our enemies. And this is to be a practical love; it is to be practiced, here and now. Love evidently is not just a feeling but is indistinguishable from the willingness to help, to be useful to one another. The way of love is indistinguishable, moreover, from the way of freedom. We don't need much imagination to imagine that to be free of hatred, of enmity, of the endless and hopeless effort to oppose violence with violence, would be to have life more abundantly. To be free of indifference would be to have life more abundantly. To be free of the insane rationalizations for our desire to kill one another - that surely would be to have life more abundantly" (Wendell Berry, The Burden of the Gospels, pg. 62-3).

It is for Freedom that Christ set us free; it is because of His Great Love that He gives us the Freedom to choose. I want to grow in this unconditional Love.

a lot to learn

Madeline L'Engle is one of my favorite authors. She is challenging and approachable, easy-to-understand and deep. One thing she taught me was that any and all persons can teach me something. I put myself at a disadvantage by prejudging them based on religion, socioeconomic level, lifestyle, political beliefs, sexual preference, characteristics, or life experience.

The faithful of any religion can teach me because they are still created in God's image. I need to remember I can learn from anyone. Each person has unique gifts and experiences that I don't have. Their perspectives of life can teach me deep and universal truths that break down walls/barriers between us. The focus then switches to what we have in common instead of our differences. Then we really start doing the work of the Kingdom.

Although I am most comfortable with people who are similar to myself, it is not in their company where I grow the most. I need to regularly encounter others who think/act/believe differently than I do - to grown and learn from them. If I surround myself only with people like me, I will be in danger of thinking I'm correct all the time because I don't hear any dissension from my opinions.

In Habitat World Magazine, Sept. 2010, Eboo Patel, founder of Chicago-based Interfaith Youth Core underscores Habitat for Humanity's ability to engage people of many faiths around the positive outcomes of affordable housing for our shared society. "[By partnering together], these interfaith [groups] increase civic participation through service; they build better relations between diverse religious and secular communities; and they address an important social need."

Although it is more challenging, more exhausting, more difficult, I pray for the openness to receive all who cross my path - and to ask God to give me His eyes to see them with.

beautiful girl

I don't know her, but she is in my prayers - Jennifer.

I saw her picture at the coffee shop yesterday - she's missing.

Perhaps she ran away; perhaps she was tricked; perhaps she was taken.

According to this article, "One out of every three teens on the street will be lured into prostitution within 48 hours of leaving home."

She is precious - every person is precious.

God help her. God forgive us for living in a society that allows this to happen. Let's get to work.

God Knew

My church is studying Ephesians this Autumn. The most amazing part of Eph. 1:1-10, this time, is where Saint Paul asserts that God chose us to be adopted before He created anything (v4-5). He didn't begrudgingly adopt us after He saw there was no other way or after we made such a mess that He had no choice but to fix us. God knew before anything else existed and He still went through with everything! God knew we would fail. God knew His Son would have to sacrifice, suffer a painful death and separation from the Father – something Jesus never knew until the day he died - yet, he still said 'Yes' to his Father and to us. God knew we couldn't do His work alone. God knew He would need to step in. God proved He was Faithful, knowing the cost and choosing us anyway. Amazing Love, how can it be?

I think that is the part of God's nature that is very foreign to my human nature. I often don't continue in a direction if I know what will happen, especially if it involves pain. I work so hard to avoid pain, even if it is short-term pain that will bring about great gain in the long-term. God is so different than I am. And I am so grateful.

A Hole In Our Gospel: Chapter 8 (1 of many)

I read A Hole In Our Gospel by Richard Stearns earlier this year. I found it insightful, challenging and thought-provoking. Even before I finished, I realized that it wasn't sinking in, and I really wanted it to. So now I'm re-reading it. I will be posting here some of my favorite quotes and other related thoughts as I journey through again. Unfortunately, I'm getting to blogging about it a bit late in the game (at Chapter 8), so that's what you get first.

In Chapter 8, Stearns references a speech made by Jimmy Carter, which serves for us as a late introduction of the problem that is the primary focus of A Hole In Our Gospel. President Jimmy Carter was bestowed the Nobel Peace Prize in 2002. His acceptance speech, made just a little more than a year after the events of 9/11, concluded with a striking statement:

At the beginning of this new millennium I was asked to discuss, here in Oslo, the greatest challenge that the world faces. Among all the possible choices, I decided that the most serious and universal problem is the growing chasm between the richest and poorest people on earth. Citizens of the ten wealthiest countries are now seventy-five times richer than those who live in the ten poorest ones, and the separation is increasing every year, not only between nations but also within them. The results of this disparity are root causes of most of the world's unresolved problems, including starvation, illiteracy, environmental degradation, violent conflict, and unnecessary illnesses that range from Guinea worm to HIV/AIDS.

Stearns notes from Jeffrey Sachs' book The End Of Poverty: Economic Possibilities For Our Time that the per-capita income gap between the richest and the poorest regions in the world has grown from a four to one ratio in 1820 to the seventy-five to one ratio quoted by Carter.

Until the latter 1900's ordinary peoples' awareness of global poverty was limited, but Stearns asserts: "Lack of awareness is no longer an issue. And yet only about four percent of all U.S. charitable giving goes to international causes of any kind."

Stearns goes on to quote Bono, from the foreword to the same book:

...fifteen thousand Africans dying each and every day of preventable, treatable diseases - AIDS, malaria, TB - for lack of drugs that we take for granted.

This statistic alone makes a fool of the idea many of us hold on to very tightly: the idea of equality. What is happening in Africa mocks our pieties, doubts our concern, and questions our commitment to that whole concept. Because if we're honest there's no way we could conclude that such mass death day after day would ever be allowed to happen anywhere else. Certainly not in North America, or Europe, or Japan. An entire continent bursting into flames? Deep down, if we really accept that their lives - African lives - are equal to ours, we would all be doing more to put the fire out. It's an uncomfortable truth. 

For Bono, the key question is (emphases are his):

We can be the generation that no longer accepts that an accident of latitude determines whether a child lives or dies - but will we be that generation? Will we in the West realize our potential or will we sleep in the comfort of our affluence with apathy and indifference murmuring softly in our ears? ...

Future generations flipping through these pages will know whether we answered the key question. The evidence will be the world around them. History will be our judge, but what's written is up to us. Who we are, who we've been, what we want to be remembered for. We can't say our generation didn't know how to do it. We can't say our generation couldn't afford to do it. And we can't say our generation didn't have reason to do it. It's up to us.

I don't know about you all, but these challenges cut straight to my heart. If they don't do the same to you, I suggest you go back and digest those two Bono quotes again. Am I doing everything I can to fight poverty, its causes, and its effects? That's what this book is about. That's the journey I'm on. You're welcome to join me.

Thoughts on "Going Back To Our Christian Roots"

There is an unwavering assertion coming from the Christian Right, arguing that the U.S. should "go back to its Christian roots." A YouTube video came by my inbox today that depicts a Christian tour guide enumerating various religious acts performed by early U.S. presidents. I can't debate the historical veracity of the claims in the video, but I think they completely miss the point.

Many of the actions cited by the tour guide in fact do appear to be clear violations of the First Amendment. To pick one example, a president held church services in the Capitol rotunda, using the Marine Corps Band as worship leaders. Just because it's the president's executive order, and not a law passed by Congress, does that make it legal? A president violated the Constitution (admittedly in a way that didn't seem offend anybody at the time), and just because he was Christian, we Christians are supposed to aspire to that "ideal"?

I think not. Like it or not, the U.S. is not, and never was, a Christian nation. Yes, the vast majority of the founding fathers were Christian. I buy that - though they still held some shockingly different beliefs than their Christian Right boosters of today. Yes, Christian morality and ideals are pervasive in our Declaration of Independence, Constitution, and Bill of Rights. I buy that - though they are by no means completely reflected (never forget the need for the 13th amendment, fixing a gross violation of the ideal that "all men are created equal").

But thank God that the founding fathers also saw the need for religious pluralism, even in a day when the competing religions in America were all basically Christian. They had much clearer memories of the many gross acts of violence that Christians had done to each other when the government did establish Christianity as its religion. (Note that the last of those links describes persecution performed against other Christians by those favorite American Christian ancestors of ours, the Puritans.)

So it is that arguments by folks in the Christian Right that our government should return to its glorious Christian roots always smell to me like "historical snobbery" (one of my favorite C.S. Lewis-isms). History has shown Christian after Christian in power committing acts similarly heinous to those committed by those of any other religious leaning. Who do these people in the Religious Right think they are that they're better Christians than those that have gone down that road before?

Does this mean that Christians shouldn't be in government? Certainly not. But it does mean that we'd be foolish to expect Christians in positions of political power (Bush and Obama) to be any more perfect than anyone else. Does this mean that Christians shouldn't vote as their faith convicts them? Certainly not. But I strongly believe that it does mean that Christians should never seek the establishment of their religion in any government in this fallen world.

God's approved governmental structure is clearly theocracy. He demands unwavering devotion from (and lavishes scandalous grace on) those who choose to be his disciples. And yet he doesn't force himself on us. He woos us, by his truth and goodness that is so fundamental to this world around us. He draws us by the shocking goodness of his own sacrificial exposé of the vulgar baseness of our own human religiosity (yes, we need to identify ourselves with the religious establishment of Jesus' time). Shouldn't we worry more about loving God above all else (including our money, our entertainment, our jobs, and "our America") and loving our neighbor (including the ones on the opposite site of the globe)? Those are the roots that Jesus told us to get back to. I've a lot of work to do myself.

Updated Garden

Hello All -

Some of those pictures, mainly the squash ones were a month out of date, so I thought I'd update you. These were taken after the lovely heatwaves we've been having and the squash and tomatoes are loving it!

Also, the last picture of yellow summer squash isn't very good, but we ate them right after I took it, so it'll have to do...they were soooo tastey! The camera lens lid is above them to give context. Can't wait for the next one - tomorrow probably!

So, I think these were 'Heart of Gold' Acorn hybrid starts, but they are dark green stripes on medium green bodies, no creamy color outside...but I can't find the tag - must have been buried during all the watering. (That's my row of sunflowers against the house.)

They are growing up a triangular trellis Bryce and I build out of bamboo after looking at this one and deciding we could just do one side with less bamboo. Fortunately, our squash hasn't overwhelmed it yet - slow year, I guess.

You can only see part of it, but the one on the very left is the size of a small pumpkin and quite round, not scalloped at all. I'm excited, but unsure when to pick it...

My first Green Bell Pepper...

The farthest along Sunflower Head. Almost all of the stalks are developing heads now that the heat set in. Most of them are 8' tall - not bad for such a small seed. I can't wait to see what happy shade of Cheerful Yellow they are!!

Garden Pictures

Cheap Beer catches Slimy Things!

Disclaimer: When titling this blog, I was truly only thinking of slugs and snails, and not of the men who stereotypically drink cheap beer. :-) I also thought of taking a picture of my catch, but then thought you might not appreciate the visual.

So I finally remembered to put Cheap Beer on my shopping list - I'd heard and read that Slugs are attracted to the smell of beer, and if it's deep enough, they will fall in and drown, saving all your plants from their devious nighttime munching. This spring I waged a daily war with the slugs and snails of my yard, especially over my tender squash starts. Several mornings I went out to find that another sprout had been mercilessly chomped to the stem. Buggers!

At the store last week, I browsed the section of refrigerated beer I never look at - the cans! I took a full five minutes to look over the options, focusing mainly on price per ounce. Walking up and down the aisle for the third time, I felt conspicuous as other buyers went straight for their favorite bottles. I finally chose the cheapest, and a local brand, Rainier. The can says their hops grow in Yakima. Bonus. Cheap And Local! I put the pack in my cart and immediately started looking at the microbrews to prove I was above consuming beer that costs less than $1 per 16 ounces. (Oh, the Horror!) A box of Deschutes, another local company, almost jumped in my cart. But, in the end, I decided not to buy any more alcohol this week. I have wine at home. My budget prowess said no.

After hiding Rainier in my cart under the lettuce, I pulled into the checkout lane. I bravely placed the beer on the conveyor belt, but when the clerk passed it over the scanner, I confessed that I don't usually buy Rainier. I felt dirty buying beer in a can. I almost had to buy a microbrew to pay penance. We laughed, he graciously carded me, and I took my 'treasure' home.

That evening in the twilight, the slug's witching hour, I filled two pie plates in garden areas they marked that day with their slime. I stalked them. I wanted them dead. It was them or me (ok, actually my food, but it works in the grand scheme of things). I went to bed, hoping to find a nasty catch in the morning.

And, sure enough, I did! It was not the spectacular 200 slugs one story claimed, but a modest catch of 13 rigid, floating bodies. Not bad.

So, if you've ever wondered if beer kills slugs, it does! I noticed that the beer was smellier (thus more attractive) on the evening it was put out. A small container left out over another day and night caught zero. I guess those buggers like the foam of fresh hops. Yuck!

Second Wind

First of all, I apologize, Dear Reader, for my long absence. Thank you for coming back and reading my update.

With the beginning of May, the gardening season kicks into high gear and time just gets away from me while I'm outside. I harvested enough Snap Peas to give a bag to my neighbors, after eating my fill for 3 weeks in a row. I also had a great crop of Blueberries, Rhubarb, Radishes, Spinach, 2 kinds of Lettuce, a few spring Beets, Green Onions, and Nasturtiums out our ears. I've been nursing along Brocolli, Cauliflower, Collards, Mustard Greens in the heat these 2 weeks, but my four tomato plants are loving it! My Sunflowers are 4 feet tall and my first crop of Bush Beans are flowering. My squash plants are starting to rocket up my trellises. (Did I mention I love growing food?)

With the (eventual) arrival of Summer, the fruit season gets fully in swing,. I finally got my water-bath canner this year and have made Ginger-Rhubarb Sauce, Elderberry Syrup, Raspberry Jam, Wild Red Huckleberry Jelly (yes, we picked them!), and a 3 bean pickled salad.

We've also decided on a church to stick with, after six months of active searching (over a year in the making, really).

Combine the season with the inevitable lull in 'having something worthwhile to say' and there you have it. A few other things happened - taking the cars in for servicing, cleaning up our condo between renters and subsequently showing it to all interested parties, three anniversaries, one birthday, a mother's day and a father's day, news of a new nephew in the works, and learning where I can buy local eggs and raw milk.

Whew! Here's to my second wind for blogging!
(I will be posting pictures of my garden.)

Chosen (WIL 17)

I spent the first twenty years of my life trying to become something I'm not - normal, ordinary. In effort to assimilate myself, I dressed a particular way, educated myself on language and topics that are Hip, listened to trendy music, worked to make my Faith Safe for others and for myself.

I spend the next ten years resigning myself to my differences, then learning (slowly) to glory in them, to Value my honesty, my transparency, my Beliefs. I've grown to see myself more as God does and to love who He is remaking me into - the woman He intended all along.

"We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised form the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life" (Rom 6:4).

Last year, God confirmed a call He's been placing on my heart. (A calling is something I: do for God, receive; it generally promises difficulty and even some suffering, but is an opportunity to be used by God. A Calling generally leads to downward mobility. (If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat, Ortberg.)) After gaining much ground in Relishing my qualities and character, He is calling me to look, in one exterior aspect, like most other people my age. He has called us to Parenthood - not only Biologically, but through Adoption as well.

One comfort I've had through this journey of valuing who I am, and am becoming, is my similarity to my family. They are supportive and understanding exactly when I need them to be. We have complementary personalities and giftings. We perceive and approach the world the same ways. We struggle with many similar issues.

Yet, this week, I heard the questions: What if they don't understand this Calling? Would you still follow?

Jesus lamented: "No prophet is accepted in his hometown" (Luke 4:24). He was a Prophet, but the people who knew Him best could not accept His Calling from God, to be humanity's Perfect Lamb, our Savior.

God's work and calling is always easy to put off, always easy to assign to someone else's plate. Being a Christ-follower is a Good Thing, as long as it's not dangerous, doesn't cost anything unreasonable, doesn't require Me to Go.

In his book, The Hole in Our Gospel, Richard Stearns compares Christians to sleeper cells, waiting for directions from Christ for action. "We were confronted with a choice, which required us to reorder our priorities and our lives to become completely available to God, without conditions. We had become radioactive, post-resurrection Christians. We had joined the social revolution envisioned by Jesus for His coming kingdom in a deeper way than ever before" (p. 247). When they chose to move to Seattle, they said Yes to God in ways they hadn't before.

God has done a marvelous work in me, but He is now calling me to sacrifice my Desire to be Different from others. In learning to value my uniqueness, I am enabled to see more through His eyes. Now, like Abraham - called to sacrifice his beloved son Issac, I am called to lay down that which I've worked long and hard for. In return, God promises "to do immeasurably more than all [I] ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within [me]. 21To Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen" (Eph. 3:20-21).

We are ALL Needy, WIL 16

"For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. 16So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer" (2 Cor. 5:14-16).

Two weeks ago, I had the opportunity to spend my Saturday evening cooking, serving, cleaning up a meal for Seattle's Central District's People in Need. In about an hour, we fed 125 people, some of them twice and thrice. My guard was halfway up, heightening my senses and reactions. I haven't served at this location before. You never know exactly what you'll encounter.

Programs specializing in People in Need must have strict rules of conduct, to keep the peace. I was very impressed with this Operation; how orderly the clients were - they knew the drill, they complied in exchange for Needs Met.

Cooking and cleaning is something I can do. It's easier than having a conversation, searching for things in common with someone who lives a very different life. Practical service necessary - and safer. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs clearly states that Basic needs must be filled in order to begin addressing higher needs, including Spiritual ones. (This is one reason I struggle with ministries that require attending a Gospel service before the meal. But that is a different post.) However, Practical service is a contact point, an in to some relationship.

Because I am Needy and still invited into wholeness in Christ, His friendship compels me to open myself to others in Need - Everyone. If I truly believe He died for ALL, I should see them as Deeply Loved, just as I see myself. I can look at them through Christ's Eyes, have compassion on them, identify with them.

"17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. 20We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us" (2 Cor. 5:17-20a).

Although I cannot vouch for their Belief, I can testify to my transformation, my responsibility to accept others because I am accepted. I am Being Made New every morning because of His faithfulness and love (Lam. 3:22-23). As a recipient of His grace, a Being changed from glory to increased glory (2 Cor. 3:18), He asked me - sometimes commands me - to do what I can, where I am to bring others into His Love.

Miraculously, I was able to see each man as an individual, see past their shabby exterior, see their humanness in the midst of their struggle to survive. Many would not meet my eyes; some would only mumble that they wanted everything available on their taco. They seemed crushed under the weight of Deep Need.

Some may call what I felt Pity, but I placed myself in their shoes. I pray they felt more than Pity, that they felt Compassion - Compassion beyond me, from the very heart of God.

First Fruits

Yesterday, Bryce and I made leek and potato cakes (without the ham) to take to our family's Sunday dinner. They were excellent.

This morning, washing the pans and bowls from the weekend's cooking, I washed a bowl I inherited last year. This bowl was part of a processor set, re-gifted because the older relative replaced it with a newer model. It was offered because the newlyweds already had a processor and didn't need the ancient artifact.

When we got the contraption home, we found its quarks and the reason it was donated. I must say this experience reminds me of the year I worked with World Concern, sorting clothing donations to send overseas. The saying is: Kids say the darnest things. The reality was: Why do people donate unusable junk? Almost every session of sorting uncovered an item (or a bag full) that was complete garbage - rotted, moldy, dusty, in pieces.

In his book, The Hole in Our Gospel, Richard Stearns brings up the unpopular subject of tithing. Personally, tithing is a direct challenge to my statement of trust in God. If I say I believe in and follow Him (also known as loving Him), I will do what He commands (Jn. 14:15). Leviticus 27:30 says: "A tithe of everything from the land, whether grain from the soil or fruit from the trees, belongs to the LORD; it is holy to the LORD." The first ten percent, not the last, not the diseased, not the unusable.

Stearns goes on to paint the reminding picture that Israel was a nation of subsistence farming. Giving the first ten percent of the crop was a HUGE act of faith (pg. 211). In the past year, I've done a lot of gardening. It takes most of a day, sometimes closer to a week, to get new crops in the soil of my little patch. My trip to the grocery store is so far removed from the idea of tilling for my food, trusting the seeds are good, that rain will come, hauling water around when it doesn't, vigilantly watching for pests and their larvae. I am a long way from supporting myself on what I can coax from the ground.

My situation is different than ancient Israel's, yet, my taste of raising crops and the work it requires sharpens the faith it takes to tithe. Perhaps that's why only about five percent of American Christian households tithe at all. The average American church goer, in 2005, gave of a whopping 2.58% of their income (use his web reference). Of that 2 percent, the average American church doles out only 2 percent to overseas missions.

I don't know about you, but I need God to break my stubborn heart. It's so tempting to keep His blessings to myself; but I am meant to use my blessings to bless others. World Vision's founder, Bob Pierce, often prayed that his heart would be broken by the things that break God's heart - that he would be filled with God's compassion and perspective.

But we can be forgiven and transformed. If we humble our hearts, He is faithful and will heal our land (2 Cor. 7:14).

And: Thank you for thinking of giving to people in need. I certainly testify to the relief it is to Give Away, declaring that my Stuff has No Power over Me, declaring my dependence on the Only One who is worthy of Glory and Honor and Power. However, when donating, please evaluate whether the item is actually usable, or if it belongs in the trash.

Secret Giving, WIL 14

I mowed my neighbor's lawn this week. I did it because their mower was in the shop (I asked last week if I could borrow it, since mine won't run longer than 2 minutes at a time). I also had the time and the energy, although I was sweating through my layers due to the sunshine and their extra-large yard. I felt good afterward; tired, but satisfied.

I was satisfied because I was able to serve them in that way, to deepen our miniscule connection, to tangibly love my neighbor as myself. Through my small act of kindness, I felt a part of God's great love for them - a shadow, really - and it was easier to pray for them.

Wow! I got all that out of mowing a lawn?! Well, I got it from being available to God's suggestion while I was doing laps around my yard.

I certainly didn't do it for a reward. However, they are decent people - one more notch in my prayer to love 'people' more - and insisted on a formal Thank You.  Jesus teaches to us serve those who cannot repay you (Luke 14: 12-14), to please and seek God's approval, not men's (Gal. 1:10), to give in secret to receive God's greater reward than earthly acknowledgment (Mt. 6:1-4), to lay your treasures in Heaven (Mt 6:19-21).

I once hear a sermon about Secret Giving. This pastor regularly went out to breakfast looking for someone's breakfast to buy for them. He always gave instructions to the waiter to not reveal whom was paying the bill. Inevitably, some people insist on knowing their benefactor and pressed to know. The pastor was disappointed every time the person he was trying to bless found out that he paid their bill because, he reasoned, that his Heavenly reward was truncated by the earthly 'thank you' he received.

I'm not sure I completely agree with his conclusion, but it was interesting enough to stick in my memory for a few years. Is it really one or the other? 

Love and Loss, WIL 13

Is it better to have loved and loss rather than never loved at all?

Love is so wonderful. Loss is so awful. I believe the Gospel says it is better to love and lose. We were created with emotions to live abundantly in the present time...

Jesus modeled love and loss. He is our example.

In choosing to avoid the loss (the negative side of relationship), I am also choosing to avoid the love (the positive side of relationship).

Am I really a fully living human being when I avoid both sides and sit in the middle, on the fence?? Where do you sit?

The power that produces blessing comes through brokenness. Anne Graham Lotz

Misleading Pet Food Labels (WIL 12)

A few weeks ago, I decided to grind up some chicken bones for my dog. I planned to use the bone meal in homemade buscuits. Searching for how to use bone meal correctly, or what it really is, I found Dr. Pitcarin's Complete Guide to Natural Food for Dogs & Cats.

In Chapter 2, Dr. Pitcarin addresses what's really in [commercial] pet food. Cynical disclaimer: this vet is trying to sell books, so it's in his interest to create controversy. Historically, scare tactics are profitable. Yet, frightening information holds a morbid attraction - I just have to know. On the other hand, as a vet, he may put himself out of business by keeping our pets healthier.

Dr. Pitcarin asserts, "the way [pet food] labeling is used does not really help us understand the quality of the food" (p. 10). He discusses how cooking temperatures sterilize many of the ingredients in food, destroying valuable nutrients. I've heard this argument favoring raw milk to pasturized milk, and it doesn't surprise me. Every page expounds the conspiracy. Pet owners spend $41 billion dollars a year in the United States alone. I am also not surprised to hear these accusations leveled at big business.

At this point, I am convinced they are not concerned with my health or vitality. (In fact, if I get sick, they likely have a sibling company that can provide medicine.) Sorry, I'm trying to stay objective. I am outraged by the idea that food not suitable for human consumption goes into pet food (p. 17). Feathers and hair can be added to pet food and labeled as "poultry by-products" or "dried animal digest" (p.12). Disgusting! I admit that my dog is able to digest much more terrible things than I would ever try to consume, however, I do not want her eating waste. Some by-products should just be burned.

I increasingly subscribe to the slow-food movement and pursue knowing exactly what I'm eating. I feel better physically and emotionally eating a balanced diet. Although I shutter to think how much energy Tanner would have if she was on a raw food diet, a seed of doubt about her kibble is planted in my mind. I am not ready to take the leap into cooking for her, but I am no longer comfortable with labels. With the continuing melamine recalls of China's products and insufficient consumer protection, it's difficult to keep my reaction pendulum from swinging in the opposite direction.

Who can I trust with my pet's health? My health? My life?

Professional Giving (WIL, 11)

The March 2010 Special Feature article in Habitat for Humanity's magazine, Habitat World, addresses correlations between stable, low-cost housing and children's educational scores. Student mobility is named as one of the "most detrimental characteristics of housing problems" (p. 21), by the author, Rebekah Daniel.

Sid Ong, an elementary school principal near Portland, OR, says: "[Habitat's model is] a great model for kids to see how a group of people can come together and make something positive happen and not have a vested interests...they get to see their parents really building something that is the underpinning bedrock of the family itself. They look at that and say, 'I can accomplish anything. I can give back.' They want to go to college and become a professional in such a way they want to give back" (Habitat World, p. 23).

Hold the phone...you have to become a professional to give back?? This is news to me. I thought volunteering your time, watching out for neighbor's kids, and cooking meals for new parents qualified as 'giving back.' I thought giving involved gifting resources, not being paid to do the work. What does that phrase mean, anyway? Giving: offering yourself and resources. Back: the past, a body part, ability for labor, to support, as with authority, influence, help, or money. Giving Back: giving of myself or resources (or physical strength) to...what's behind? No, I don't think that's what he meant.

What I interpret Giving Back to mean is a repayment of opportunities received that were made possible by something beyond the recipient's sole power or influence. Repayment is an obligation, not part of Giving, which is supposed to be Free. Giving is about Sharing Hope. However, we lose a lot if we think of giving as fulfilling an obligation or repaying a loan. Giving is about the Giver as much as the Recipient. Pursuing a career in service to others - medicine, education, engineering and building - is important. But, I fear that pursuing a field just to Give results in quick burn-out and fatigue. The admirable student's passion to 'Do Good' can fade under the Crush of the Needs at hand, robbing the skilled professional of reserves necessary to Give Joyfully, out of a full cup. Thus, 'Giving' careers easily become just careers.

Let me just say: It's great that these children see a tangible example of a community building itself. If only we all had the privilege of witnessing, being a part of building the place we will live, establishing a new space along with other neighboring partners from the ground up. I think it's right that they should be motivated by their parents' hard work, building a home for the family, and work harder at schoolwork. I agree that children should have the opportunities to pursue a higher level of education than their parents.

Mr. Ong uses a catchphrase that could be interpreted several different ways. Even though he is a child professional, he projects their thoughts and reactions as they watch the Habitat process; the reader is forced to accept his guess at a child's response. There is no child interview. His assertion that children's desire to learn increases with homeownership is plausible, but his correlation that being a profession is the way to be a productive part of society is flawed.

Yet, perhaps the phrase: Give Back is about Gratitude, wanting to Give in Return for something you've been given. Perhaps having a career allows them to Give Back because then they will have resources to give from. Noble goals. I hope children all over the world who directly benefit from Habitat's work are inspired to those goals. But, we need to be more specific in our language, saying what we mean, avoiding cliches.

And, remembering that everyone is a part of society, an agent of change, encourage each other in all the ways it is possible to give back, not just with a career. We are all responsible for our neighborhoods, communities, cities, nations, world.

What I rail against is the idea that only professionals have something to offer a community. I think this idea is fostered by a society that has become self-centered, but I think it is also dishonest. It does not take into account that some naturally give and others do not, that communities used to be based more on helping each other. I think it's a stark contrast these days because no one asks for or offers help to another person. Helpers are seen as suspicious. Only salesmen knock on my door these days.

Everyone has something to give, regardless of income, education, or time available. Everyone has experience that I can learn from. Everyone's opinion matters. We are each unique and we relate to the world in a unique way. Certainly resources and education impact these things. But let's not overlook that people are valuable to each other just because we are people. Let's stop looking for what we can get and start looking at who they are.

Let's talk politics

One of the familiar subjects my mind spins on late in the morning when I can't sleep is politics.  Today, I'm wondering: Why is the subject of politics taboo in polite conversation? Should it be?

I assert that it shouldn't be. Perhaps one reason why our current public politics have degraded to such hysterical name-calling, eviscerating witch-hunting, and fear-mongering is the fact that we don't seek out polite conversations about politics in private. It seems to me that our current politics are both extremely important and horribly broken. We'll never fix it if reasonable people in the real world that have real problems avoid talking politics with people if there is any chance of disagreement. Its clear that if we leave the dialog to the talking heads, the majority of what we'll get from both sides is a steaming heap of fecal matter. (Although I suppose that heap would be valuable in practice.)

What we need is to insist on seeking out different perspectives and having polite, reasoned discussions on important issues. It might take a billion little miracles, but it could actually change the tenor of public discourse.

Eating Alone

I don't like to eat alone. I never have. Growing up I found the I enjoyed being in the kitchen, especially baking. When I moved out for college, I found that it was too hard to cook for myself. I chose ready-to-heat-then-eat items, returning to the pantry two or three times before I completed a meal. I was depressed and lonely. But that's only part of it.

I do cook for breakfasts, usually oatmeal; once in awhile I will treat myself to a German-fried egg (some of you may know it as 'Toast with an Egg in the middle'). It is one of the few things from my Grandfather's legacy that I care to remember and imitate. I improved the tradition, however, by serving it with ketchup. Breakfast of champions!

For lunch, however, I piecemeal things together. A piece of banana-nut bread (no butter), three tablespoons of yogurt, some fruit. Dairy, fruit, and carbohydrates are staples for my finicky stomach. It never complains about them. On warmer days, I snack on carrots with peanut butter or hummus. On cold days, though it's hard to put things together. Leftovers are not always appealing (for no good reason) and I don't want to cook for every meal...what's a girl to do? And I love cooking, trying new recipes, new foods - but not by myself. Ironic.

Although I love my time alone, eating highlights relationships. Sharing a meal with others is always a wonderful experience and it's just not the same by myself. Mealtimes remind me that I am designed to live in community. I harbor competing characteristics: I deeply value my solitude and I love to cook for my loved ones. I marvel at how complex and unique we humans are.

Give me a call if you want to do lunch.

Never Alone

I like watching my dog sleep. Once in awhile, she does my favorite thing: clicking her tongue. I assume she's reliving a tender moment with her mom as a pup. I smile, call her Baby Tanner. Then, I remember how scared she looked with we first saw her. And rightly so.

We drove north to a house on the Reservation. Two houses, actually. One main house and an apartment above the garage, only noticeable when pointed out by the confused house tenant. The woman on the phone didn't mention which dwelling to inquire at. To complicate matters, we had to shout to the house tenant our needs, several yards away from the lighted porch. Three very large, growling Rottweilers paced the property and held us at bay - I've never been to a house where the owners didn't call their dogs off. A very disturbing, other-worldly experience. For the first time in my life, I feared dogs who really might attack me.

Finally, the man pointed us to the apartment and the dogs let us go. We knocked, taking in the strange air, the pen enclosed by flimsy chicken wire with a big communal bowl of food, one for water, one lean-to shelter. No noise. A woman came down and called the pups out. She looked hardened by life. Several pups sleepily crawl out of the lean-to. No, not that one, no...She goes in to coax the black one out. An expert saleswoman, she asked me to hold 'him' because the gate won't shut. Eight weeks old. One of the reasons I broke my promise to leave empty-handed was this scary place where guard dogs could easily intimidate pups through flimsy enclosures.

Her dreams of babyhood are delightful, as well as sad. I suspect she was separated from Mom too early. Separation and loneliness are big issues.

Last night when Baby Tanner was clucking, I personified her, watching her confused face as she was taken away, with her siblings. One by one, they left. She was the last of her litter to be adopted.

It breaks my heart to think of those who are truly alone, abandoned, sold into slavery, abused, treated as objects, used and discarded. I could not handle it. I would not be me anymore. Being alone - really alone, abandoned - does awful things. Being unwanted - that is the hardest part of humanity's fallenness - rejecting relationship.

Praise God that He is not that way. He goes to the ends of the Earth and back again, as far as He possibly can. He does everything to adopt us. "I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Mt. 28:20).

God, be so very close to the 143 million orphans in this broken world. May they know that You love them, want them. You hold each of them in Your hand, so tenderly.

He is Present,
He is Near,
He gave His own Beloved,
to bring us into the family.

Rural V. Urban (WIL, 8)

Richard J. Foster says: "Rural life tends to function around a daily cycle, whereas urban life tends to function around a weekly cycle. In the country there are chores to be done morning and evening - such as milking the cows and feeding the chickens. A daily prayer discipline makes good sense in this context. In urban life, in contrast, everything presses hard toward Friday - TGIF, as we say - and the weekends are much more discretionary. In this context it might make more sense to order a prayer life around a weekly pattern. Instead of feeling guilty that we cannot set aside time for prayer on a daily basis, perhaps it would be better to devote Saturday mornings, for example, to more extended experiences of prayer and devotional reading" (Prayer, p.73).

Okay, I don't have cows or chickens, but, over the course of my marriage, I find I operate from a rural life perspective. I love the Slow Food movement and baking bread from scratch, especially in the morning. I prefer to chop vegetables by hand instead of using the much speedier food processor. I scoop out squash seeds by hand, squeezing them through my fingers, rather than using a spoon. I employ my slow cooker once a week (although I admit that is again an urban fad). I am even more likely to shower in the late afternoon than in the morning. Why shower before digging around in the garden?

I have a hard time planning on a weekly basis. I suffer paralysis of thought when someone asks, "What's going on this week?" Sometimes, it's easy to answer if I'm planning a trip or in the midst of a project that takes more than a few hours. Otherwise, it's hard to land on a thought worth mentioning that will take up a whole week. The question is really about the major agenda points, but when life is currently made up of little things, it's easier to take it one day at a time. I prefer to plan and be prepared. However, I push myself to focus on the Present rather than the Future, and thus, develop a habit of living Here and Now. It's a weird balance because I like scheduling my to-do list. Yet, I get lost in what I want or need to do and close myself to what God brings along my path.

A few years ago, my mind alighted on a thought: one way to serve those around me was to adopt an 'Available' mindset. The way I approached this new revelation was to be more Present and Open, watching for opportunities to Give and Serve inside the daily workings of life. Opening a door for someone, letting another car into line, breathing while I'm driving, shopping, working.
One of my favorite authors encourages using time to Just Be, not filling every spare moment with Doing something. Although it could be employed as an excuse, my programmed-for-efficiency mind warns, enjoying the gift of life is one thing we are certainly called to do. "Taste and see that the LORD is good" (Ps. 34:8); "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (Jn 10:10b).

The way that works for me is taking each day as it comes. "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him" (Mt. 7:11). Oh, Father, give me the grace and strength for this day.

(WIL, 8)

Expectancy (WIL, 7)

Planting seeds is an act of faith. Pulling weeds is perseverance. Amending the muddy soil with rotted compost and fine pieces of sand drains sweat with the digging. Depositing tiny seeds into an expanse of dirt looks like folly. For weeks, nothing appears. Just when you've put Hope to bed, a blink of green hits your eye. You look closer - did I really see a sprout?? Ah Ha! Finally. Sigh. Success. Yet, this seedling's journey is just beginning.

Life is so active, vital. Always moving: always establishing new benchmarks, new goals, new highs. If it's not moving, it's dead. But is that really true? Dormant seeds are long dead to the impatient. Then they erupt in front of those who forgot all about them. Where did that come from??

God plants many seeds that take much more than a season to emerge. He carefully tends them, watching for weeds and pests. He shows us patience. He calls us over to see the tiny life that is fighting upward from the muck, literally using the waste of the old to fuel new growth. His song is Expectancy.

God is so patient. Any patience I have must come from Him. He knows it's hard for me to wait because He knows everything about me (Ps. 139). My Life is a lot of waiting - and waiting is not my favorite thing. But He knows the timing better than I. And I have to wait, for His ways to work themselves out (His ways are not my ways, Isa. 55:8).

While I wait, Abba cultivates my character. In doing all the necessary business of life: paying bills, correspondence, chores, I practice consistency, responsibility and perseverance. "Learn what pleases the Lord," Paul exhorts in Ephesians 5:10. When my heart is fertile and hears His Words, may He quicken courage in me to follow.

I do not wait without Hope that He will act. He promises to act (Rom. 8:28).

We Are At War ...

but with spiritual forces. Recently I heard a very good sermon (unfortunately not posted as I write this) asserting that negative self-talk is a spiritual battlefield. The speaker emphasized those times when memories assault us unbidden. Out of the blue, we are crippled with guilt, regret, fear. We remember that we are not worthy of love, forgiveness, mercy. And we believe it. We know how bad we really are. We cannot hide from ourselves.

Richard J. Foster says,"Oftentimes your heart will condemn you for things for which God will not condemn you" (p. 69, Prayer). And although healthy guilt and remorse are a necessary part of my relationship with God, it is a lie that I am unacceptable. God himself has made me acceptable. The lie is wedged in my mind to create a rift between me and God, between me and other people. In recognizing this bait and switch tactic, we remember the power purchased for us to consciously choose to believe God and reject the lies.

As children of God, we have powerful tools to help us conquer these falsehoods. We are promised that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Rom. 8:1), and that we can take every thought captive, to make it obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10: 3-5). Although "the heart is deceitful above all things" (Jer. 17:9), God promises to transform us by the renewing of our minds (Rom. 12:2).

The reality is this: The Enemy is Father of Lies (John 8:44), not just deceiver, and he will not go away without a fight. He prowls around like a lion (1 Peter 5:8) looking for prey. But God does not leave us to fight our own battles. He fights for us. He runs to our aid.

And Jesus has overcome the world (John 16:33, 1 John 5:4) so, as Paul says in Ephesians 6:10-17, put on the whole armor of God...we are not abandoned, we are not alone.

Ask Him for the faith to believe His promises, His Word. He is Faithful and Good. He is able to meet all our needs (Phil. 4:19).

Encourage and share your experiences with each another (Eph. 4:29).
"Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ (Eph. 5:19-20).

Seek the LORD and you will find Him. Be honest with yourself and with others. Give thanks for who He is making you. Ask for eyes to see the gifts He's bestowed and for a thankful heart that prepares the way for our Lord. 

(WIL, 5)

Mountaintops to Valleys

    Mountain-top experiences are glorious. After the hard work of trudging up the hill, through the mud and snow, begging your muscles to push against the unrelenting slope, focusing one foot in front of the other, hardly seeing the trees around you, waiting for the fog to part and reveal a glimpse of the mountain you long to see - finally, a resting place with a view.
    My retreat last weekend was a mountain-top experience. Retreats are essential. The relentless pace of Life is too much for me to handle and I need time to receive nourishment: other people preparing food, people stepping in so I can step back, others taking my place for awhile, God speaking with the Familiar out of the way.
    I shouldn't be surprised to experience a trough when I get home. I go back to work and catch up with people I left for a few days. The evening out of emotions and perspectives is natural, but still painful. The memories of the heights gasp to return, however, the intimate knowledge of the trenches makes the experiences at the heights more vivid, more lasting. And so I must return.
    The work of Life is done in the valleys, not on the mountains. I am made for the lowlands where I am made to thrive, breathe easier. I cannot consciously handle being in the Presence of God all the time - yet. He is still working on me, changing me from glory to glory,  refining me and molding me into a form I could never dream of being.
    "Praise to the LORD, the Almighty..."

Receiving a Complement Takes Effort (WIL, 4)

    Recently, I was complemented as a contented woman. Even as the giver of this gift said the words, a small, knowing smile crossed my face. I know myself better than she does. I know that I continue to fight the hard battle, pursuing contentment. My journey is far from over. I doubt every day, sometimes every hour. And yet, refusing her gift of subjective truth is insulting to her and stagnating for me. Keep moving, keep pushing out of the comfort zone.
    One of the training modules in the Stephen Ministry curriculum is on assertiveness. Each trainee receives a list of the class members' names. Each trainee lists one thing they admire about each classmate and shares it at the next meeting - in front of everyone. I haven't seen so much blushing going on since high school youth group. But, each rose to the challenge of graciously accepting a shower of nine complements. Although the specifics of long lost to my memory, I will not forget the lesson and its importance. It is better to give than to receive, but receiving has it's own virtue.
    It's a long road to learn contentment. I've found there are many pieces to it and that it comes all along the journey, not just in one piece or at the end. Will I trust God and His promises today? Will I choose to believe Him and not just in Him? (Beth Moore makes a lasting distinction between the two in her study, Believing God.) This first step is essential for me. The next step is to staunchly remind myself every time I need reminding.
    The step I'm learning right now is to be open to what God has for me and whatever form it takes. It's a huge challenge for me because I like to control my life, my environment, my time. Yet in choosing God as my Father, I'm choosing to let Him decide what's best for me, when, where, and how. When I'm weak, He's strong - do I really believe that?? That's the crux of the challenge.
    I'm reminded of my pastor's recent sermon. He speaks the hard truth: Paul says to the Roman Church, God does not give effort points. Saying you follow Him doesn't count. Doing church-y things doesn't count. God is about transforming our entire beings. He longs for us to become more like Him. The only way I can see to follow is to decide to believe and then go where He leads.

                 "I will take it Lord, all you have to give..." (third day song)

Philippians 4:12-13

¹²I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do everything through him who gives me strength.