Receiving a Complement Takes Effort (WIL, 4)

    Recently, I was complemented as a contented woman. Even as the giver of this gift said the words, a small, knowing smile crossed my face. I know myself better than she does. I know that I continue to fight the hard battle, pursuing contentment. My journey is far from over. I doubt every day, sometimes every hour. And yet, refusing her gift of subjective truth is insulting to her and stagnating for me. Keep moving, keep pushing out of the comfort zone.
    One of the training modules in the Stephen Ministry curriculum is on assertiveness. Each trainee receives a list of the class members' names. Each trainee lists one thing they admire about each classmate and shares it at the next meeting - in front of everyone. I haven't seen so much blushing going on since high school youth group. But, each rose to the challenge of graciously accepting a shower of nine complements. Although the specifics of long lost to my memory, I will not forget the lesson and its importance. It is better to give than to receive, but receiving has it's own virtue.
    It's a long road to learn contentment. I've found there are many pieces to it and that it comes all along the journey, not just in one piece or at the end. Will I trust God and His promises today? Will I choose to believe Him and not just in Him? (Beth Moore makes a lasting distinction between the two in her study, Believing God.) This first step is essential for me. The next step is to staunchly remind myself every time I need reminding.
    The step I'm learning right now is to be open to what God has for me and whatever form it takes. It's a huge challenge for me because I like to control my life, my environment, my time. Yet in choosing God as my Father, I'm choosing to let Him decide what's best for me, when, where, and how. When I'm weak, He's strong - do I really believe that?? That's the crux of the challenge.
    I'm reminded of my pastor's recent sermon. He speaks the hard truth: Paul says to the Roman Church, God does not give effort points. Saying you follow Him doesn't count. Doing church-y things doesn't count. God is about transforming our entire beings. He longs for us to become more like Him. The only way I can see to follow is to decide to believe and then go where He leads.

                 "I will take it Lord, all you have to give..." (third day song)

Philippians 4:12-13

¹²I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Risk Management (WIL, 3)

Last week, a long-standing dispute between our condo complex and the developers ended. After 5 years of embroiled emotions and disagreements, we accepted the best settlement offer to date, although it is far from adequate.

The main reasons a small majority of homeowners decided to settle:
*Developer Defendants have proven their ability to delay every step of the way as long as they can
*This would be the last offer before the Appellate Court's verdict, 12-16 months from now
*This was the best offer we received
*To fund another trial, homeowners would front the cost ($1-2k/unit)
*Unknowns about the judge and jury for the next trial
*Potential appeal of next verdict - thus delaying any winnings perhaps another 5 years
*Possible required payment of Defendants' legal fees

The hardest pill to swallow is not that it will cost us $10-12,000 for special assessments. It's not that we've lost 3 years enmeshed in the U.S. legal system with little to show. It's not that our property value decreased or that the best system in the world does not always produce justice.

It comes to this: the clause in the settlement deal that expunges the public record of these grievous misdeeds, injustices, and frauds. Those found guilty do not carry any evidence of infringements and violations of our trust. The stains of these years are erased and beyond a check, no evidence remains of the shady deals and cosmetic fixes.

The pain is still new and the repercussions are still unknown. I cannot extend Grace to these people who betrayed our trust in order to pocket profit. I don't know if I really ever can, but I know that God covers over my stains, my heinous offenses...

Today, all I can be is Thankful, because I cannot be Gracious. By His Grace, perhaps some day.

(Matthew 6:25-34)
²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]?
²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So, I choose to not worry today.

The Few Sacrifice for the Many (WIL 2)

This year, our kitchen faucet has been serviced 4 times (as of tonight at 5pm). The culprits are many - 50 year old pipes, newer faucets that don't filter the water coming from the street, and the newest: underground drilling shaking loose deposits into the water mains.

The Brightwater Wastewater Treatment Plant is a 10 year old sore spot. This new plant residing in Snohomish County (barely) will serve King County's burgeoning population. But, the digging that rattles my house was not in the project plan. Three-hundred feet below our Bothell house is a tunnel from the plant in Woodinville traveling straight west to Edmonds and into Puget Sound. New delays, due to broken boring machines and the presence of unexpected groundwater, put the tunnel 2 years behind schedule...and counting.

Thus, our entire neighborhood - perhaps city - is clogging with the extra gunk of agitation. The few - City of Bothell, population 33,240 (2009, 17,260 in King County) is sacrificing: water pressure, everyday conveniences, extra time spent at the sink waiting for enough water to rinse dishes, to fill a bottle, to wash hands. The water dribbles into my filter pitcher and makes so little noise that I forget it's on - until it's run over and I notice it the next time I'm in the kitchen. All these little sacrifices for the many - King County population 1,826,732 (2009).

My sacrifices are minute compared to most examples. I am required to make these sacrifices because I have no power to change the circumstances - I cannot make groundwater evaporate, finish the digging, fix complicated machines. Like it or not, our freedom and autonomy is imposed upon all the time. I have to swallow hard and modify my life and habits to accommodate the needs of strangers moving into the area.

I could resent it, but that is a waste of energy. Life is full of sacrifices, big and small, personal and collective. The Greater Good is an altruistic ideal we all hold closely. Our innate sense of justice, flawed as it can be, aches for Good to prevail. 

Jesus sacrificed: his time (Luke 4:40), rest (Luke 4:42, 9:10-11), his freedom and right to life (Matthew 26:39, 42). He recognized that his life was not his own (John 6:57) and he relinquished his grip on his own will, living with open hands, culminating in his sacrificial death on the cross.

The few sacrifice for the many - Jesus sacrificed for All. He calls each of us to follow him, to live our lives with open hands, to receive his patience, to sacrifice big and small things, to see his glory increase. Suddenly, my plumbing problems seem so insignificant.

Global Citizen, Good Neighbor (WIL, 1)

What I learned this week:

I'm overwhelmed with pressure to engage globally and underwhelmed by non-existent pressure to know my neighbors.

Recently I was reading the magazine put out by Habitat for Humanity, featuring articles that update readers on ongoing projects internationally. "It's not just the Destination" article (Habitat World, Dec 2009) highlights the Global Village program, which assembles volunteer teams for 1 to 2 week trips. From all over the world, people commit to building or refurbishing dilapidated houses for people in sometimes awful housing.

I completely agree that going on a trip to a different place, country, continent, alters my point of view. Engaging people of other cultures reveals their humanity. When we fellowship, we realize that fundamentally we are the same - ordinary people trying to find love and raise our children in an increasingly better world.

However, from magazines to newspapers to novels to Facebook, I am hit over the head, consistently, constantly to connect with people. But only with people across the world, impersonally.

I've lived in this house for a year and I can count - on one hand - the conversations I've had with people across my backyard fences. We wave, when we can't avoid admitting that we've seen each other. I try to appear open to more, but I fear invading their privacy, interrupting their busy lives. They must have something more interesting to do than talk to me...

Yet, Jesus got his hands dirty. He not only related to people verbally, he touched, healed, knew them intimately. Certainly that kind of interaction cannot be forced; but how do I change my priorities, my outlook, my schedule, my eyes to see others as they are, where they are?



(WIL, 1)

What I Learned Series (WIL, Intro)

Last week, at the end of 2009, I was inspired by my husband's verve in posting quotes and thoughts in response to Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Cost of Discipleship. 

I've thought about blogging for several years, but always felt I was too private to even dream of putting my journal, or my thoughts out there for everyone to read - if they wanted. However, reading through Bryce's, as well as watching a great friend blog weekly for the last (very difficult) year, I jumped in. Uncharacteristic, I know.

Framing my new blogging experience as: What I Learned (this week), I attempt to make manageable bites of life. Fair warning, some weeks may be less than revelatory, for example, "Compost is Excellent Building Material."

As a new blogger, writer, I am under no delusion that I'll have many - if any - followers for some time - if ever. However, as I told my husband after reading his recent offering, we have to write for ourselves long before we write for an audience. Besides, it's a reasonable argument that when an author focuses too much on the audience, rather than serving the story, readers see right through it and dub it poor writing.

Thanks for embarking with me on this crazy adventure. God's up to something.

-R