Quick and painless

Why do I worry so much?

Quote of the Week: Capon

I've seen some bloggers share thoughtful quotes; here's one I read today.
Spot on and thought-provoking. Also, it sheds new light on my baggage with music...

From Between Noon and Three by Robert Farrar Capon:
(Capon is speaking of the outrageousness of God's grace. Here he is responding to a reader's concern that he is not serious enough about morality. The Latin phrase, loco parentis, means 'in the parental role.')

If we are ever to enter fully into the glorious liberty of the children of God, we are going to have to spend more time thinking about freedom than we do. The church, by and large, has had a poor record of encouraging freedom. It has spent so much time inculcating in us the fear of making mistakes that it has made us like ill-taught piano students: we play our pieces, but we never really hear them because our main concern is not to make music, but to avoid some flub that will get us in Dutch. The church, having put itself in loco parentis, has been so afraid we will lose sight of the laws of our nature that it has made us care more about how we look than about who we are - made us act more like the subjects of a police state than fellow citizens of the saints....[we need] the ability to take our freedom seriously and act on it, to live not in fear of mistakes but in the knowledge that no mistake can hold a candle to the love that draws us home. My repentance, accordingly, is not so much for my failings but for the two-bit attitude toward them by which I made them more sovereign than grace. Grace - the imperative to hear the music, not just listen for errors - makes all infirmities occasions of glory.

Money = Commitment

For those of you that don't know this about me, spending money is a commitment to what is purchased and its implications.

For example, I have not yet purchased a light set for my bike. Last week, after day light's savings ended, I rode home in semi-darkness. Only few points of the ride were truly scary, but it gives one pause. It is easier for me to request bike lights as a gift - something practical that I need and would use. If I purchase the set myself, I make a commitment - in my mind - to use them, ride in the dark more often. And I don't know if I'm ready for that. Aha!

So, you see why spending money to be Fingerprinted is a big step for me. It is a real commitment to the process of Adoption.

But, I know this is our path because obstacles jump in front of us whenever we take a step. Three months ago, the day after we started reading through the application requirements, we received a 20 day notice to vacate, throwing us into a tailspin of house-hunting on an impossible schedule. That crisis was averted - Praise be to God - but the steps (and therefore challenges) have only begun.

Last night, several issues tried to stop us from going down to the Police Station. First of all, Bryce came home late - not his fault, but it happened. We had 20 minutes to eat and get out the door...which we accomplished, but then, in haste to clean up, a sauce bottle dropped to the floor, spilling glass and tastiness all over the floor - another 5 minutes gone. I quietly cursed Satan for so obviously getting in the way.

Fingerprinting is only offered at specific times; we had 20 minutes left. We sped down the hill to the station. The whole building was dark, but it's the Dark Season in Seattle these days, when the sun sadly goes down before 5pm, so I didn't worry. Three cars were parked in the lot. The front door was open, but not the second security door. The window was closed - they closed early! I was disappointed. It takes me awhile to work up the courage to take steps like this one...and not completing the step is a let down.

Even after writing the date three times during the day, hearing special Veteran's programs on NPR, reading FB friends grateful statements to those who serve our country, I did not remember it was a holiday until my small group members pointed it out!

Foiled this time - but, next week is coming...

Getting Fingerprinted

So, in order to apply for foster parenting and adoption, we have to be fingerprinted and send for a FBI report.

At first it feels weird, like I'm untrustworthy or something. Like I might be a Criminal. Like I AM one...

Then, I found out that school teachers and insurance professionals have to be fingerprinted. Well, maybe it's not too bad. I highly esteem those professions and the people who dedicate their lives in services.

A dear friend of mine also helped me process through this weird hurdle. God went through HUGE hoops to bring us into His family. Why should following in His footsteps be so easy? I actually do want systems in place to protect children. Boundaries should be erected because there ARE monsters out there.

It's just a new experience for me to start one the side of Possible-Monster and slowly step through the many gates put in front of everyone, ordinary people trying to do extraordinary things.

We must error on the side of protection.

This process requires Patience.

But I will be found a capable, loving parent – by the Grace of God -- eventually.

Trafficking essential subject, but truth missed in movie: Taken

I do not understand how men who raise daughters could ever sell women as business.

I watched the “action-packed, adrenaline-fuel ride” movie “Taken” last weekend. It was action-packed for sure – the gunshots and breaking of faces paused only to acquire the next piece of the puzzle...then, repeat.

Perhaps Mr. Neeson needed an outlet for his anger after losing his real-life wife in a terrible accident. That is understandable. However, what is inexcusable is the movie's introduction of trafficking as an issue, then quickly tossing it aside to justify the use of any type of violence and destruction. All sacrificed for one...

At one point, the next-bad-guy-to-die grovelled in an elevator and said he had a daughter, too, but this was business; it was not personal. The problem is: it's always personal to someone when the topic is human trafficking and sexual exploitation of women. All men have a Mother, every woman is a Daughter, Sister, Mother.

What strikes me is the disconnect between raising a little girl and treating other girls (women) as if they are property, objects, inhuman, trash. How could that character go home, kiss his wife and caress his daughter's hair, after selling others to the highest bidder, never thinking twice about the pain and abuse they would suffer that very night and many to come? Never thinking those women go to their deaths – maybe not physically (although that's a good possibility), but to the death of every beautiful part of her soul.

I wish I could give my female perspective to all the men I know. Maybe it would start the uncomfortable, but important conversations rolling. Sex is personal for women. Our deepest desire is to be known and to be found beautiful. Exploitation shatters both of these needs in one stroke. Our deepest parts are explored through intercourse, physically and emotionally. If we are discarded afterward, passed around like something ordinary, or measured against a fantasy woman, we feel worse than ugly. We become wounded beyond repair. The deep, deep fear that we are not good enough for Love is realized. The LIE that we are worthless takes root and the Doubt Never Leaves. The hope of being found truly Beautiful is lost.

I cannot claim to comprehend men and how they are wired. I do understand men are different than women. I know every man is unique. I know there is a vast spectrum of satisfaction. And that there is a grave difference between desire and action, and yet...

A man once told me that rape is about power, not climax or desire. That information helps me get my head around part of the disconnect. Feeling powerless is never enjoyable; it's only natural for the youngest kid to kick the dog when he takes abuse from his older brothers...the totem pole always has a lower rung. It doesn't mean the boy hated the dog, exactly; she was in the way of his frustration and anger. But feeling powerless does not excuse taking power from another or abusing them; those who seek out the vulnerable go even farther down that dark, dark road.

The Myth of Redemptive Violence is that all levels of violence are allowed as long as you pursue what is Good and Right (Order, not Chaos). Although this movie plays on my hope to be worth that kind of run-across-the-world, will-not-be-stopped salvation, the reality is that so many women in this movie were not saved. The protagonist's daughter was the one in a million. And so many girls are caught in the real nightmare.

The only way I live knowing my world contains this Evil is this Truth: that my Jesus holds each one of them in His Loving Hands. He is right now doing a new work to bring about their rescue. He is the only one who is Mighty and Able to Save.

Standing in stark contrast to human ideas of Justice is One who did not consider Equality something to be grasped (although it was already His), but became a slave of Love – One sacrificed for all. Thank you, Jesus!