We Are At War ...

but with spiritual forces. Recently I heard a very good sermon (unfortunately not posted as I write this) asserting that negative self-talk is a spiritual battlefield. The speaker emphasized those times when memories assault us unbidden. Out of the blue, we are crippled with guilt, regret, fear. We remember that we are not worthy of love, forgiveness, mercy. And we believe it. We know how bad we really are. We cannot hide from ourselves.

Richard J. Foster says,"Oftentimes your heart will condemn you for things for which God will not condemn you" (p. 69, Prayer). And although healthy guilt and remorse are a necessary part of my relationship with God, it is a lie that I am unacceptable. God himself has made me acceptable. The lie is wedged in my mind to create a rift between me and God, between me and other people. In recognizing this bait and switch tactic, we remember the power purchased for us to consciously choose to believe God and reject the lies.

As children of God, we have powerful tools to help us conquer these falsehoods. We are promised that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Rom. 8:1), and that we can take every thought captive, to make it obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10: 3-5). Although "the heart is deceitful above all things" (Jer. 17:9), God promises to transform us by the renewing of our minds (Rom. 12:2).

The reality is this: The Enemy is Father of Lies (John 8:44), not just deceiver, and he will not go away without a fight. He prowls around like a lion (1 Peter 5:8) looking for prey. But God does not leave us to fight our own battles. He fights for us. He runs to our aid.

And Jesus has overcome the world (John 16:33, 1 John 5:4) so, as Paul says in Ephesians 6:10-17, put on the whole armor of God...we are not abandoned, we are not alone.

Ask Him for the faith to believe His promises, His Word. He is Faithful and Good. He is able to meet all our needs (Phil. 4:19).

Encourage and share your experiences with each another (Eph. 4:29).
"Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ (Eph. 5:19-20).

Seek the LORD and you will find Him. Be honest with yourself and with others. Give thanks for who He is making you. Ask for eyes to see the gifts He's bestowed and for a thankful heart that prepares the way for our Lord. 

(WIL, 5)

Mountaintops to Valleys

    Mountain-top experiences are glorious. After the hard work of trudging up the hill, through the mud and snow, begging your muscles to push against the unrelenting slope, focusing one foot in front of the other, hardly seeing the trees around you, waiting for the fog to part and reveal a glimpse of the mountain you long to see - finally, a resting place with a view.
    My retreat last weekend was a mountain-top experience. Retreats are essential. The relentless pace of Life is too much for me to handle and I need time to receive nourishment: other people preparing food, people stepping in so I can step back, others taking my place for awhile, God speaking with the Familiar out of the way.
    I shouldn't be surprised to experience a trough when I get home. I go back to work and catch up with people I left for a few days. The evening out of emotions and perspectives is natural, but still painful. The memories of the heights gasp to return, however, the intimate knowledge of the trenches makes the experiences at the heights more vivid, more lasting. And so I must return.
    The work of Life is done in the valleys, not on the mountains. I am made for the lowlands where I am made to thrive, breathe easier. I cannot consciously handle being in the Presence of God all the time - yet. He is still working on me, changing me from glory to glory,  refining me and molding me into a form I could never dream of being.
    "Praise to the LORD, the Almighty..."

Receiving a Complement Takes Effort (WIL, 4)

    Recently, I was complemented as a contented woman. Even as the giver of this gift said the words, a small, knowing smile crossed my face. I know myself better than she does. I know that I continue to fight the hard battle, pursuing contentment. My journey is far from over. I doubt every day, sometimes every hour. And yet, refusing her gift of subjective truth is insulting to her and stagnating for me. Keep moving, keep pushing out of the comfort zone.
    One of the training modules in the Stephen Ministry curriculum is on assertiveness. Each trainee receives a list of the class members' names. Each trainee lists one thing they admire about each classmate and shares it at the next meeting - in front of everyone. I haven't seen so much blushing going on since high school youth group. But, each rose to the challenge of graciously accepting a shower of nine complements. Although the specifics of long lost to my memory, I will not forget the lesson and its importance. It is better to give than to receive, but receiving has it's own virtue.
    It's a long road to learn contentment. I've found there are many pieces to it and that it comes all along the journey, not just in one piece or at the end. Will I trust God and His promises today? Will I choose to believe Him and not just in Him? (Beth Moore makes a lasting distinction between the two in her study, Believing God.) This first step is essential for me. The next step is to staunchly remind myself every time I need reminding.
    The step I'm learning right now is to be open to what God has for me and whatever form it takes. It's a huge challenge for me because I like to control my life, my environment, my time. Yet in choosing God as my Father, I'm choosing to let Him decide what's best for me, when, where, and how. When I'm weak, He's strong - do I really believe that?? That's the crux of the challenge.
    I'm reminded of my pastor's recent sermon. He speaks the hard truth: Paul says to the Roman Church, God does not give effort points. Saying you follow Him doesn't count. Doing church-y things doesn't count. God is about transforming our entire beings. He longs for us to become more like Him. The only way I can see to follow is to decide to believe and then go where He leads.

                 "I will take it Lord, all you have to give..." (third day song)

Philippians 4:12-13

¹²I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Risk Management (WIL, 3)

Last week, a long-standing dispute between our condo complex and the developers ended. After 5 years of embroiled emotions and disagreements, we accepted the best settlement offer to date, although it is far from adequate.

The main reasons a small majority of homeowners decided to settle:
*Developer Defendants have proven their ability to delay every step of the way as long as they can
*This would be the last offer before the Appellate Court's verdict, 12-16 months from now
*This was the best offer we received
*To fund another trial, homeowners would front the cost ($1-2k/unit)
*Unknowns about the judge and jury for the next trial
*Potential appeal of next verdict - thus delaying any winnings perhaps another 5 years
*Possible required payment of Defendants' legal fees

The hardest pill to swallow is not that it will cost us $10-12,000 for special assessments. It's not that we've lost 3 years enmeshed in the U.S. legal system with little to show. It's not that our property value decreased or that the best system in the world does not always produce justice.

It comes to this: the clause in the settlement deal that expunges the public record of these grievous misdeeds, injustices, and frauds. Those found guilty do not carry any evidence of infringements and violations of our trust. The stains of these years are erased and beyond a check, no evidence remains of the shady deals and cosmetic fixes.

The pain is still new and the repercussions are still unknown. I cannot extend Grace to these people who betrayed our trust in order to pocket profit. I don't know if I really ever can, but I know that God covers over my stains, my heinous offenses...

Today, all I can be is Thankful, because I cannot be Gracious. By His Grace, perhaps some day.

(Matthew 6:25-34)
²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]?
²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So, I choose to not worry today.

The Few Sacrifice for the Many (WIL 2)

This year, our kitchen faucet has been serviced 4 times (as of tonight at 5pm). The culprits are many - 50 year old pipes, newer faucets that don't filter the water coming from the street, and the newest: underground drilling shaking loose deposits into the water mains.

The Brightwater Wastewater Treatment Plant is a 10 year old sore spot. This new plant residing in Snohomish County (barely) will serve King County's burgeoning population. But, the digging that rattles my house was not in the project plan. Three-hundred feet below our Bothell house is a tunnel from the plant in Woodinville traveling straight west to Edmonds and into Puget Sound. New delays, due to broken boring machines and the presence of unexpected groundwater, put the tunnel 2 years behind schedule...and counting.

Thus, our entire neighborhood - perhaps city - is clogging with the extra gunk of agitation. The few - City of Bothell, population 33,240 (2009, 17,260 in King County) is sacrificing: water pressure, everyday conveniences, extra time spent at the sink waiting for enough water to rinse dishes, to fill a bottle, to wash hands. The water dribbles into my filter pitcher and makes so little noise that I forget it's on - until it's run over and I notice it the next time I'm in the kitchen. All these little sacrifices for the many - King County population 1,826,732 (2009).

My sacrifices are minute compared to most examples. I am required to make these sacrifices because I have no power to change the circumstances - I cannot make groundwater evaporate, finish the digging, fix complicated machines. Like it or not, our freedom and autonomy is imposed upon all the time. I have to swallow hard and modify my life and habits to accommodate the needs of strangers moving into the area.

I could resent it, but that is a waste of energy. Life is full of sacrifices, big and small, personal and collective. The Greater Good is an altruistic ideal we all hold closely. Our innate sense of justice, flawed as it can be, aches for Good to prevail. 

Jesus sacrificed: his time (Luke 4:40), rest (Luke 4:42, 9:10-11), his freedom and right to life (Matthew 26:39, 42). He recognized that his life was not his own (John 6:57) and he relinquished his grip on his own will, living with open hands, culminating in his sacrificial death on the cross.

The few sacrifice for the many - Jesus sacrificed for All. He calls each of us to follow him, to live our lives with open hands, to receive his patience, to sacrifice big and small things, to see his glory increase. Suddenly, my plumbing problems seem so insignificant.

Global Citizen, Good Neighbor (WIL, 1)

What I learned this week:

I'm overwhelmed with pressure to engage globally and underwhelmed by non-existent pressure to know my neighbors.

Recently I was reading the magazine put out by Habitat for Humanity, featuring articles that update readers on ongoing projects internationally. "It's not just the Destination" article (Habitat World, Dec 2009) highlights the Global Village program, which assembles volunteer teams for 1 to 2 week trips. From all over the world, people commit to building or refurbishing dilapidated houses for people in sometimes awful housing.

I completely agree that going on a trip to a different place, country, continent, alters my point of view. Engaging people of other cultures reveals their humanity. When we fellowship, we realize that fundamentally we are the same - ordinary people trying to find love and raise our children in an increasingly better world.

However, from magazines to newspapers to novels to Facebook, I am hit over the head, consistently, constantly to connect with people. But only with people across the world, impersonally.

I've lived in this house for a year and I can count - on one hand - the conversations I've had with people across my backyard fences. We wave, when we can't avoid admitting that we've seen each other. I try to appear open to more, but I fear invading their privacy, interrupting their busy lives. They must have something more interesting to do than talk to me...

Yet, Jesus got his hands dirty. He not only related to people verbally, he touched, healed, knew them intimately. Certainly that kind of interaction cannot be forced; but how do I change my priorities, my outlook, my schedule, my eyes to see others as they are, where they are?



(WIL, 1)

What I Learned Series (WIL, Intro)

Last week, at the end of 2009, I was inspired by my husband's verve in posting quotes and thoughts in response to Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Cost of Discipleship. 

I've thought about blogging for several years, but always felt I was too private to even dream of putting my journal, or my thoughts out there for everyone to read - if they wanted. However, reading through Bryce's, as well as watching a great friend blog weekly for the last (very difficult) year, I jumped in. Uncharacteristic, I know.

Framing my new blogging experience as: What I Learned (this week), I attempt to make manageable bites of life. Fair warning, some weeks may be less than revelatory, for example, "Compost is Excellent Building Material."

As a new blogger, writer, I am under no delusion that I'll have many - if any - followers for some time - if ever. However, as I told my husband after reading his recent offering, we have to write for ourselves long before we write for an audience. Besides, it's a reasonable argument that when an author focuses too much on the audience, rather than serving the story, readers see right through it and dub it poor writing.

Thanks for embarking with me on this crazy adventure. God's up to something.

-R

Bonhoeffer on Christian Judgementalism

My devotions recently included reading the 18th chapter of Dietrich Bonhoeffer's The Cost Of Discipleship, titled "The Disciple and Unbelievers." Its contents seemed very timely for me and my wife, as we've been through many experiences in the past weeks and months in which we feel that either we or others were judged unfairly by fellow Christians.

Now let me get this disclaimer out of the way first: I know very well how easy it is for me to be judgmental towards those who I perceive as judgmental. This awareness leads me to suppress how I feel, since I have a hard time figuring out how to engage in dialog on certain issues that I feel strongly about without also coming across as judgmental. I have yet to find the balance that I think is necessary for productive, open conversation about many important issues that lie at the intersection between my faith and our culture.

The Barna Group recently performed a survey that showed that 16 to 29-year-olds' perception of Christians is overwhelmingly negative, with 87% seeing Christians as judgmental and 85% as hypocritical. Rather than ranting about how my experience shows that we as Christians often deserve that perception (which I suspect isn't limited to that age bracket), I'll try to be more productive and just quote Bonhoeffer's thoughts on Matthew 7:1-12 here.

Page numbers are those corresponding to my edition, linked in the first paragraph, but I've linked the references to a different edition that is partially viewable at books.google.com, when available. You should be able to read the entire chapter without exceeding the "partial viewing" limitations. My insertions are bracketed and any bold emphases are mine (italics are Bonhoeffer's).

Starting off on page 183, Bonhoeffer summarizes his point:

...this raises the question of the relation between the Christians and their non-Christian neighbors. Does their separation from the rest of society confer on them special rights and privileges? Do Christians enjoy power, gifts and standards of judgement which qualify them to exert a peculiar authority over others? How easy it would have been for the disciples to adopt a superior attitude, to pass unqualified condemnation on the rest of the world, and to persuade themselves that this was the will of God! That is why Jesus has to make it clear beyond all doubt that such misunderstandings would seriously imperil their discipleship. The disciples are not to judge. If they do so, they will themselves be judged by God.

Then Bonhoeffer goes on to elaborate on Jesus Christ's position as mediator, not only between the Christian and God the Father, but also between the Christian and himself, between the Christian and his Christian brothers, and between the Christian and non-Christians, on pages 183-184:

The source of the disciple's life lies exclusively in his fellowship with Jesus Christ. He possesses his righteousness only within that association, never outside it. That is why his righteousness can never become an objective criterion to be applied at will.... It is not an approved standard of righteous living that separates a follower of Christ from the unbeliever, but it is Christ who stands between them.... the disciple can meet the non-disciple only as a man to whom Jesus comes. Here alone Christ's fight for the soul of the unbeliever, his call, his love, his grace and his judgement comes into its own. Discipleship does not afford us a point of vantage from which to attack others; we come to them only with an unconditional offer of fellowship, with the single-mindedness of the love of Jesus.

Bonhoeffer continues by addressing the "love the sinner, hate the sin" approach on page 184, pointing out that we have no need to work on "hating the sin," if we love as Christ loved:

But the love of Christ for the sinner in itself is the condemnation of sin, is his expression of extreme hatred of sin. The disciples of Christ are to love unconditionally. Thus they may effect what their own divided and judiciously and conditionally offered love never could achieve, namely the radical condemnation of sin.

In the next paragraph:

If the disciples make judgements of their own, they set up standards of good and evil.... If I condemn [another person's] evil actions... I remove him from the judgement of Christ and subject him to human judgement. But I bring God's judgement upon my head, for I then do not live any more on and out of the grace of Jesus Christ, but out of my knowledge of good and evil which I hold on to.

In the next paragraph:

Judgement is the forbidden objectivization of the other person which destroys single-minded love. I am not forbidden to have my own thoughts about the other person, to realize his shortcomings. But only to the extent that it offers to me an occasion for forgiveness and unconditional love, as Jesus proves to me.

In the next paragraph:

Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.... If when we judged others, our real motive was to destroy evil, we should look for evil where it is certain to be found, and that is in our own hearts. But if we are on the look-out for evil in others, our real motive is obviously to justify ourselves, for we are seeking to escape punishment for our own sins by passing judgement on others... But Christ's disciples have no rights of their own or standards of right and wrong which they could enforce with other people; they have received nothing but Christ's fellowship. Therefore the disciple is not to sit in judgement over the fellow-man because he would wrongly usurp the jurisdiction.

Wrapping up, Bonhoeffer :

[The disciples] must admit that in no circumstances do they possess any rights or powers over others, and that they have no direct access to them. The only way to reach others is through [Jesus Christ] in whose hands they are themselves like all other men.... The disciples are taught to pray, and so they learn that the only way to reach others is by praying to God.

And finally, Bonhoeffer denies any hierarchy of sin:

The evil in the other person is exactly the same evil as in ourselves. There is only one judgment, one law, and one grace.

So how do we take the words of our Lord Jesus Christ when he says "do not judge others"? How do we attempt to correct our neighbor without judging?

I think our (myself included) approach should look more like:

• Prayerfully meditate on our own fallenness and need for Christ's grace.
• Pray for the the Holy Spirit to open our eyes to our own sin.
• Pray for our own selfish motives to be burned away to leave us more like Christ.
• Pray for the Holy Spirit to open our neighbor's eyes, not to that which we think we see wrong in them, but to that which Christ would reveal to them.
• Pray for our words to be not our own, but those that the Holy Spirit would speak through us.
• Confess openly, honestly, and humbly our own brokenness on the same issue that we seek to correct.
• Finally, when discussing the issue, we should ask non-leading, open-ended questions, and never assert our own (or others') opinion as fact.

I would love receive any thoughts and correction you might have to offer on this subject.