Frederick Buechner on Love

"The love for equals is a human thing - of friend for friend, brother for brother. It is to love what is loving and lovely. The world smiles. The love for the less fortunate is a beautiful thing - the love for those who suffer, for those who are poor, the sick, the failures, the unlovely. This is compassion, and it touches the heart of the world. The love for the more fortunate is a rare thing - to love those who succeed where we fail, to rejoice without envy with those who rejoice, the love of the poor for the rich, of the black man for the white man. The world is always bewildered by its saints. And then there is the love for the enemy - love for the one who does not love you but mocks, threatens, and inflicts pain. The tortured's love for the torturer. This is God's love. It conquers the world."

Quoted in Francis Chan's Crazy Love

The Truth of the Incarnation: Sexuality

“It is precisely the men and women who are dedicated to spiritual leadership who are easily subject to very raw carnality. The reason for this is that they do not know how to live the truth of the Incarnation” (Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus). 

As a woman who struggles with several aspects of my sexuality, I had to ask:

What is the truth of the Incarnation? How would I live it?

Again, my women's bible study teacher shared this list in her lesson: by John MacArthur, based on Philippians 2: 5-11. By taking on flesh, Jesus:

1. abandoned sovereign position
2. became a servant (of God & His will)
3. became fully human and approached sinful people
4. adopted a completely selfless posture
5. ascended as Supreme Prince

This is a list of what I came up with, responding to: How does one live that?

1. We do not have a sovereign position to abandon. However, because of Messiah's work on the Cross and our acceptance of His covering, we are now co-heirs with Him. We do have a place in His Kingdom. Therefore, we are instructed to bring others into the Kingdom also, not just to revel in our position.
2. As God's children, we recognize Him as Father, the Guide of our lives. Focus on Serving God, performing His will. Often that will include serving others, but they are not our focus, or boss. We must follow Messiah. Sometimes that will include walking alone with only Him for company.
3. We cannot hide our humanness, sins, weaknesses, failings. We must find one with whom to be vulnerable, confess, and receive forgiveness from. Let someone be Jesus to you.
   1. We must practice 'No condemnation' toward others. Work to accept, instead of judge, them. Sin is sin to God. There is no hierarchy.
   2. Embrace your humanness (not the sinful nature or flesh, but the fact that you are a creation of the Living God). Lean on the Scriptures that speak of God's love for you and all people, His knowledge of your needs, and His desire to meet them, like a loving parent.

4. JC left complete Independence and received Dependence. Follow Him. Become Dependent on Him and others in the community of believers. We were created for relationship. Part of relationship is putting yourself aside to help others get ahead (Phi. 2, MSG). JC not only chose to become human, he chose (every moment) to remain human. He could have gone back at any time. Yet, his focus was on the eternal prize – us (Hebrews 12).
5. Because we believe Him, we will be raised up with Messiah. Because we share in His sufferings, we will also share in His glory (1 Pet. 5:1, Phil.3:10-11, Rom.8:17, 30, 2 Thes. 2:14).

It seems cruel to have to deny ourselves. Yet, so much of what we want is not the Best for us. It may be Good, but it's not the Best. Or, it may not be so good. [How can I really know? I'm not omniscient.] If I believe that God created me as I am, every detail, for a purpose, then I'm justified in being mad about the parts that conflict with His Word and instruction. However, if I believe that He created me but, for now, I am imperfect because I am bound to this fallen world, God wiggles off the hook; He's not the creator of my sinful desires. I have needs. And God knows I do (Mt. 6:8). But, He also said that He is more than enough to meet all my needs (2 Cor. 12:9). Do I believe it? Do I live it?

It's especially easy to become embittered about sexual needs (real and perceived). God has guidelines for a life that will please Him. If we love someone, we strive to please them. When we shift our focus from them to us, we are more likely to act unlovingly. Today's culture resonates our sinful nature, whipping up the idea that we must be gratified right now: I cannot wait. But God encourages patience in everything.

Isa. 30:18

“Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;

he rises to show you compassion.

For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait on him!”

Waiting is not something we like to do. It is hard. It feels pointless. We don't understand why the waiting is necessary. I can see now that if I had married any of the guys I dated before Bryce, it would have been disastrous. I did not know what I wanted, what I needed, or even who I was or wanted to become. After meeting Bryce, I got a clearer picture of the best woman I could be. [Hindsight is a lot closer to God's sight.] He was the first guy who was serious about his faith and who tried to live it, even if it meant putting me off temporarily.

Tit. 2:11-14

“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men.

12It teaches us to say 'No' to ungodliness and worldly passions,

and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,

13while we wait for the blessed hope – the glorious appearing

of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ,

14who gave himself for us to redeem us

from all wickedness and to purify for himself

a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.”

He is coming back! Let us eagerly await Him, doing Good in His Name until that day.

Trafficking essential subject, but truth missed in movie: Taken

I do not understand how men who raise daughters could ever sell women as business.

I watched the “action-packed, adrenaline-fuel ride” movie “Taken” last weekend. It was action-packed for sure – the gunshots and breaking of faces paused only to acquire the next piece of the puzzle...then, repeat.

Perhaps Mr. Neeson needed an outlet for his anger after losing his real-life wife in a terrible accident. That is understandable. However, what is inexcusable is the movie's introduction of trafficking as an issue, then quickly tossing it aside to justify the use of any type of violence and destruction. All sacrificed for one...

At one point, the next-bad-guy-to-die grovelled in an elevator and said he had a daughter, too, but this was business; it was not personal. The problem is: it's always personal to someone when the topic is human trafficking and sexual exploitation of women. All men have a Mother, every woman is a Daughter, Sister, Mother.

What strikes me is the disconnect between raising a little girl and treating other girls (women) as if they are property, objects, inhuman, trash. How could that character go home, kiss his wife and caress his daughter's hair, after selling others to the highest bidder, never thinking twice about the pain and abuse they would suffer that very night and many to come? Never thinking those women go to their deaths – maybe not physically (although that's a good possibility), but to the death of every beautiful part of her soul.

I wish I could give my female perspective to all the men I know. Maybe it would start the uncomfortable, but important conversations rolling. Sex is personal for women. Our deepest desire is to be known and to be found beautiful. Exploitation shatters both of these needs in one stroke. Our deepest parts are explored through intercourse, physically and emotionally. If we are discarded afterward, passed around like something ordinary, or measured against a fantasy woman, we feel worse than ugly. We become wounded beyond repair. The deep, deep fear that we are not good enough for Love is realized. The LIE that we are worthless takes root and the Doubt Never Leaves. The hope of being found truly Beautiful is lost.

I cannot claim to comprehend men and how they are wired. I do understand men are different than women. I know every man is unique. I know there is a vast spectrum of satisfaction. And that there is a grave difference between desire and action, and yet...

A man once told me that rape is about power, not climax or desire. That information helps me get my head around part of the disconnect. Feeling powerless is never enjoyable; it's only natural for the youngest kid to kick the dog when he takes abuse from his older brothers...the totem pole always has a lower rung. It doesn't mean the boy hated the dog, exactly; she was in the way of his frustration and anger. But feeling powerless does not excuse taking power from another or abusing them; those who seek out the vulnerable go even farther down that dark, dark road.

The Myth of Redemptive Violence is that all levels of violence are allowed as long as you pursue what is Good and Right (Order, not Chaos). Although this movie plays on my hope to be worth that kind of run-across-the-world, will-not-be-stopped salvation, the reality is that so many women in this movie were not saved. The protagonist's daughter was the one in a million. And so many girls are caught in the real nightmare.

The only way I live knowing my world contains this Evil is this Truth: that my Jesus holds each one of them in His Loving Hands. He is right now doing a new work to bring about their rescue. He is the only one who is Mighty and Able to Save.

Standing in stark contrast to human ideas of Justice is One who did not consider Equality something to be grasped (although it was already His), but became a slave of Love – One sacrificed for all. Thank you, Jesus!

Loving Freedom

 
"In the Sermon on the Mount and in other places Jesus is asking his followers to see that the way to more abundant life is the way of love. We are to love one another, and this love is to be more comprehensive than our love for family and friends and tribe and nation. We are to love our neighbors though they may be strangers to us. We are to love our enemies. And this is to be a practical love; it is to be practiced, here and now. Love evidently is not just a feeling but is indistinguishable from the willingness to help, to be useful to one another. The way of love is indistinguishable, moreover, from the way of freedom. We don't need much imagination to imagine that to be free of hatred, of enmity, of the endless and hopeless effort to oppose violence with violence, would be to have life more abundantly. To be free of indifference would be to have life more abundantly. To be free of the insane rationalizations for our desire to kill one another - that surely would be to have life more abundantly" (Wendell Berry, The Burden of the Gospels, pg. 62-3).

It is for Freedom that Christ set us free; it is because of His Great Love that He gives us the Freedom to choose. I want to grow in this unconditional Love.

God Knew

My church is studying Ephesians this Autumn. The most amazing part of Eph. 1:1-10, this time, is where Saint Paul asserts that God chose us to be adopted before He created anything (v4-5). He didn't begrudgingly adopt us after He saw there was no other way or after we made such a mess that He had no choice but to fix us. God knew before anything else existed and He still went through with everything! God knew we would fail. God knew His Son would have to sacrifice, suffer a painful death and separation from the Father – something Jesus never knew until the day he died - yet, he still said 'Yes' to his Father and to us. God knew we couldn't do His work alone. God knew He would need to step in. God proved He was Faithful, knowing the cost and choosing us anyway. Amazing Love, how can it be?

I think that is the part of God's nature that is very foreign to my human nature. I often don't continue in a direction if I know what will happen, especially if it involves pain. I work so hard to avoid pain, even if it is short-term pain that will bring about great gain in the long-term. God is so different than I am. And I am so grateful.

Love and Loss, WIL 13

Is it better to have loved and loss rather than never loved at all?

Love is so wonderful. Loss is so awful. I believe the Gospel says it is better to love and lose. We were created with emotions to live abundantly in the present time...

Jesus modeled love and loss. He is our example.

In choosing to avoid the loss (the negative side of relationship), I am also choosing to avoid the love (the positive side of relationship).

Am I really a fully living human being when I avoid both sides and sit in the middle, on the fence?? Where do you sit?

The power that produces blessing comes through brokenness. Anne Graham Lotz

Global Citizen, Good Neighbor (WIL, 1)

What I learned this week:

I'm overwhelmed with pressure to engage globally and underwhelmed by non-existent pressure to know my neighbors.

Recently I was reading the magazine put out by Habitat for Humanity, featuring articles that update readers on ongoing projects internationally. "It's not just the Destination" article (Habitat World, Dec 2009) highlights the Global Village program, which assembles volunteer teams for 1 to 2 week trips. From all over the world, people commit to building or refurbishing dilapidated houses for people in sometimes awful housing.

I completely agree that going on a trip to a different place, country, continent, alters my point of view. Engaging people of other cultures reveals their humanity. When we fellowship, we realize that fundamentally we are the same - ordinary people trying to find love and raise our children in an increasingly better world.

However, from magazines to newspapers to novels to Facebook, I am hit over the head, consistently, constantly to connect with people. But only with people across the world, impersonally.

I've lived in this house for a year and I can count - on one hand - the conversations I've had with people across my backyard fences. We wave, when we can't avoid admitting that we've seen each other. I try to appear open to more, but I fear invading their privacy, interrupting their busy lives. They must have something more interesting to do than talk to me...

Yet, Jesus got his hands dirty. He not only related to people verbally, he touched, healed, knew them intimately. Certainly that kind of interaction cannot be forced; but how do I change my priorities, my outlook, my schedule, my eyes to see others as they are, where they are?



(WIL, 1)