Worthy of the Call: Confession

In my women's Bible Study, we are chugging through the book of Philippians. One of the study books, Living the Letters: Philippians, collects excerpts from various books and asks questions to draw out the main point of the text and newly illuminate its topics. This is an excerpt from In the Name of Jesus by Henri Nouwen, for Philippians 2: 1-8 on the topic of 'One Another.'

“The sacrament of Confession has often become a way to keep our own vulnerability hidden from our community ... How can priests or ministers feel really loved and cared for when they have to hide their own sins and failings from the people to whom they minister and run off to a distant stranger to receive a little comfort and consolation? How can people truly care for their shepherds and keep them faithful to their sacred task when they do not know them and so cannot deeply love them? … It is precisely the men and women who are dedicated to spiritual leadership who are easily subject to very raw carnality. The reason for this is that they do not know how to live the truth of the Incarnation.”

Mr. Nouwen's work is always challenging for me read. I wish the I could read context of this excerpt. What are the passages that surround it? How does he recommend resolving the issues he raises?

He takes no time in raising two central issues to the Christian life: Confession and Sexuality. I will divide my thoughts between two posts. [One of the most challenging things about blogging is to condense volumes into one digestible kernel of Truth. These posts will represent only where I am in wrestling with these life-long topics at this very moment. My views are subject to change, if God wills.]

It is very interesting that those who focus on spiritual leadership “do not know how to live the Truth of the Incarnation” and so are “easily subject to very raw carnality.” It rings true. How many pastors and prominent evangelists have fallen to adulterous behaviors? So many that I practically expect it. It seems only a matter of time before another scandal arises – and that is truly sad.

We must pray for and hold our leaders accountable, all the while remembering they are human, too. We must not be tempted to hold them to a higher account than we are willing to submit to ourselves. Clearly we must stop this double-standard pattern and lift our leaders up to the Only Perfect One. We must trust that He is always at work, crafting each of us into a more perfect and new creation. We must allow our leaders to be human, to be real, to struggle, to come to us for help and prayer. Confession is not a popular topic. It is an even less popular practice. But it is essential if the Body of Christ is to function well. The Apostle Paul challenges us in his letter to the Ephesians:

“I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.

2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (4:1-3).

I heard a gifted teacher, Karen Kutz, last Autumn (2010) illuminate this idea. Living a life 'worthy of our calling' is to remember how impossible the calling is, but how amazing that God gives us the ability, in small steps as we follow Him, to start fulfilling that calling. She reminded me how easy it is for anyone to slip down the slope: anyone could be a monster. The only thing that keeps me from it is God's Grace. In humility, we should hold onto that knowledge – God's Grace is the only rescue, the only redemption. And when we choose to follow Christ, to accept the Father's adoption (Eph. 1:5), we must extend the Grace we hold onto out to others, especially our brothers and sisters in Christ, especially our spiritual leaders. Let us not fall for the Lie that some sins are worse than others. [That is another post.]

Yes, we must challenge leaders, ourselves, and everyone, to strive for excellence, but we need to come down more often on the side of Grace rather than Judgment. “For it is by Grace you have been saved...it is a gift from God” (Eph. 2:8-9). We must Practice Grace, leaving the rest to God.

First Response

A group I'm in is struggling through a book, Amish Peace, by Suzanne Woods Fisher. Although there are some 'simple wisdom[s] for a complicated world,' my critical-thinking group has tired of its oversimplification.  However, today, starting the section on Forgiveness, I stumbled on some meat.

The first few chapters tell stories of unfortunate and, some, avoidable tragedies: the West Nickel Mines School shooting in October 2006 and various car v. buggy crashes. The Amish response to these tragedies was opening their arms, accepting all of those who were touched by it, not retreating into themselves or their community. How challenging.

My first response to hurt is to withdraw because of the pain, which may hold the one who hurt me hostage – especially if I never explicitly forgive her. Perhaps the Amish community-oriented lifestyle allows them to reach out because they live in a supported/secure environment. They never doubt the existence of a loving God (p. 153). [That's different.]

Talking with a friend yesterday, I reasserted my belief that we must allow the emotions of Grief to flow out – or else they will stay wedged in our hearts for too long, becoming toxic. Anger, frustration, and sadness can plant seeds of Doubt in the heart. Doubt in the existence of a loving God, doubt in His Truth and provision, doubt in our acceptance/adoption/inheritance as His beloved children.

All that I staunchly believe. But, I know that everyone grieves differently. I know that we are not trained in how to grieve. Our society does not want to acknowledge Grief as a part of Life, and so it ignores it as long, and as much, as it can. So, we must learn how to grieve while we are in grief, which extends the process.

“We just have to keep going on with life” (p. 154). True. Reality will not change, no matter how much we wish it would. Moving on is necessary. But I think moving on in a healthy way requires letting go of those emotions, which means working through them.

The Expectations I put on life are some of the toughest things to let go. I want to believe that I won't experience tragedy. [The reality is that I will.] I want to believe that my needs will be met. [The reality is that I am already Needy.] I want to believe that life will be smooth-sailing. [The reality is that rough seas are ahead.] I must hold to God as my Rock in the calm and in the storm. The whole Testament pounds the reality of His Faithful Pursuit into my heart. Every time Israel failed, God took them back. Every time I fail, He is waiting. Taking all my emotions to my Father helps me struggle through what I feel, what I don't understand, what I don't like.

Do I hold onto the belief that out of tragedy will come blessing? (p. 157).

[Do I Trust Him that much?]

Pre-meditation

Two weeks ago, I found a new reason to clean. It started in the garage, next to the furnace. I blocked off a cabinet I knew led deeper into the house. Next, I found droppings behind the washing machine. I tore down cardboard boxes and taped them to the walls, cutting off possible access points. I cleared out, organized, moved dog food and rag piles, stacked items in another room.

Every morning I swept, swept, swept new droppings. Few, tiny, hard, black: I didn't mind too much. I descended into the subterranean area of the crawl-space to check for a nest. No luck – not that I would have known what to do if I had found something. They are in the space in-between the slab and a finished, two-stair platform that suspends the utilities bathroom. How did they get in there? When will they leave?

The visits decreased, no longer every night. I held hope they would disappear, find some other place to go. But it is snowing again and cold outside. Why would they leave? So, I went to the 'household cleaning' aisle this week. I found my options. I swayed from one foot to the other, trap or poison, trap or poison. [Thank God they were only tiny mice and not HUGE rats! Those traps would take my hand off.] At last, I couldn't bring myself to purchase one of those heinous hook-and-bar traps. I grabbed a box of poison. [Apart from garden pests, I have never plotted to kill anything. I'm even switching to non-toxic cleaning supplies. This is traumatic.]

Their visits were unreliable. I waited. Finally I put on gloves – you shouldn't even open the box without them - and put out the bait. The first night nothing. No bait missing. No droppings. I wondered if it would work at all. How much would they eat? But the next morning, I was shocked. The entire bait was gone; most of the droppings were in the paper box where the green pellets had been. They sure were tiny rodents. “Kills in as little as one feeding.” Should I put out another box? Yes. Two nights later, they ate that completely, too! It's just a waiting game now. Box Three is out for tonight. Do they have tummy aches?

Well, now I've killed knowingly. It's a new experience. Certainly I have been complicit in the ignorant killing my species makes a habit (another blog topic). But this is not a sin of ignorance. To plot demise, to put out bait, wait for death, wonder if I will find it [squish it] or if it will die underneath my floorboards...

I don't feel guilty – exactly. Here at the end of this post, I am waiting to name my feelings. Realistic and matter-of-fact. My abode not theirs. A desire to prevent actual damage that would cost.

How does this connect with my recent reading on non-violence? Is violence only violence when committed against another person? Certainly one can commit violence against nature. How does one deter pests, especially once they enter your sphere? Perhaps this jump is too big. Death is a part of Life, part of this Fallen World, my present Reality.

A Plain & Simple Christmas Review

A few months ago, my small group picked up Amish Peace to learn tips for simplicity and community. Last month, I saw A Plain & Simple Christmas by Amy Clipston in the bookstore catalog and decided it would be a quick, easy read.  It was, but surprisingly, a few portions in particular hit my buttons.

I know it is hard to convey conviction and belief without sounding trite. In writing down my faith story this last month for my adoption application I have struggled to find an authentic voice. As deeply as I feel about Jesus as my Savior, reading about Him working in this world on paper sometimes leaves something to be desired. Three-dimensions do not (properly) translate into two-dimensions (without losing the depth).

In this novella, Ms. Clipston tells a heart-wrenching and heart-warming tale of a family experiencing loss of faith, betrayal, community, stubbornness, forgiveness, and reconciliation. While all those elements ring true to life experience, some dialog requires the reader to apply her own emotions for it to feel real. Faith often times sounds trite in plain words. The emotions and actions associated with  faith are what make the words powerful.

The characters in this book speak about God and seek to follow Him in truth, sometimes challenging others along the way, pushing them to grow. I love stories for their simplicity, but the reconciliation in this book happens too quickly and does not acknowledge the hard work of forgiveness. It does show contrite spirits and the choice to move toward others that have wronged you, but my experience shows the Road of Forgiveness is not a short path; it is a long journey. At points I even move away from forgiveness as I struggle to let go and move on. Perhaps a book with that kind of realism would not be fun to read. We like stories that are clean-cut and fulfilling. Life is neither. Therefore, this novella functions more as escape or distraction - fine - just call it like it is.

The marriages portrayed are one-dimensional and simplistic. The emotions and disagreements represented as each partner struggles through his/her personal perspectives are realistic. One marriage shows unselfish love and concern, but the other two are more set in their ways. While I believe women are more geared toward relationship, and in turn reconciliation, the portrayal of all three women being completely in the right and their husbands having to come over to their wives' perspectives is contrived. Rarely is it not a compromise in the middle.

Finally, one comment assigned from a husband to a wife elicited a strong response from me. "She squeezed his hand. 'You always seem to read my mind.' He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. 'That's my job, dear.'" This interaction underscores a fantasy that women tend toward. I need no help in hoping my husband will read my mind. However, it sets him up for failure and me for disappointment. Of all the imperfections in this simple book, this one I cannot let pass. I fully acknowledge that a realistic book would not be as fun to read; however, reinforcing fantasy in a book that portrays deep subjects like God, faith, and forgiveness has no business inserting wishful thinking.

It has good points: pursuing God even when it's hard, making peace, challenging the status quo. This novella is an easy read with a fulfilling resolution but does not show any of life's hard work. Perhaps I placed a higher expectation on it because of its inclusion of God, a subject I take seriously. I certainly didn't expect to have such a strong reaction to it...but expectations make all the difference.