Stuck On Myself

One thought that has stayed with me through the years is the idea that pride is not always self-elevating. My struggle is with the self-deprecating variety. It is most often evident in how I spend my time in prayer - I'm most often focused on myself: my brokenness, my need for God's transformation in my heart, my need to get my faith out of my head & mind and into my feet, hands, and mouth. These are good things. But all too often, I get no farther. I get "stuck" on myself.

This variety of pride doesn't really believe in God's all-surpassing sufficiency - in my life and in the world around me. This pride doesn't really believe in God's purpose and faithfulness to work in me as I move my life out of its comfortable box and in the direction of his nudging. This pride doesn't really believe that God's power is made perfect (and his glory shown) in my weakness, and that given history, I should expect his provision for me to do his work only after I get moving in his direction.

It's only in that posture of utter dependence that I should expect God to be able to fully bless me, and only for the purpose of being a blessing to others.