The Truth of the Incarnation: Sexuality

“It is precisely the men and women who are dedicated to spiritual leadership who are easily subject to very raw carnality. The reason for this is that they do not know how to live the truth of the Incarnation” (Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus). 

As a woman who struggles with several aspects of my sexuality, I had to ask:

What is the truth of the Incarnation? How would I live it?

Again, my women's bible study teacher shared this list in her lesson: by John MacArthur, based on Philippians 2: 5-11. By taking on flesh, Jesus:

1. abandoned sovereign position
2. became a servant (of God & His will)
3. became fully human and approached sinful people
4. adopted a completely selfless posture
5. ascended as Supreme Prince

This is a list of what I came up with, responding to: How does one live that?

1. We do not have a sovereign position to abandon. However, because of Messiah's work on the Cross and our acceptance of His covering, we are now co-heirs with Him. We do have a place in His Kingdom. Therefore, we are instructed to bring others into the Kingdom also, not just to revel in our position.
2. As God's children, we recognize Him as Father, the Guide of our lives. Focus on Serving God, performing His will. Often that will include serving others, but they are not our focus, or boss. We must follow Messiah. Sometimes that will include walking alone with only Him for company.
3. We cannot hide our humanness, sins, weaknesses, failings. We must find one with whom to be vulnerable, confess, and receive forgiveness from. Let someone be Jesus to you.
   1. We must practice 'No condemnation' toward others. Work to accept, instead of judge, them. Sin is sin to God. There is no hierarchy.
   2. Embrace your humanness (not the sinful nature or flesh, but the fact that you are a creation of the Living God). Lean on the Scriptures that speak of God's love for you and all people, His knowledge of your needs, and His desire to meet them, like a loving parent.

4. JC left complete Independence and received Dependence. Follow Him. Become Dependent on Him and others in the community of believers. We were created for relationship. Part of relationship is putting yourself aside to help others get ahead (Phi. 2, MSG). JC not only chose to become human, he chose (every moment) to remain human. He could have gone back at any time. Yet, his focus was on the eternal prize – us (Hebrews 12).
5. Because we believe Him, we will be raised up with Messiah. Because we share in His sufferings, we will also share in His glory (1 Pet. 5:1, Phil.3:10-11, Rom.8:17, 30, 2 Thes. 2:14).

It seems cruel to have to deny ourselves. Yet, so much of what we want is not the Best for us. It may be Good, but it's not the Best. Or, it may not be so good. [How can I really know? I'm not omniscient.] If I believe that God created me as I am, every detail, for a purpose, then I'm justified in being mad about the parts that conflict with His Word and instruction. However, if I believe that He created me but, for now, I am imperfect because I am bound to this fallen world, God wiggles off the hook; He's not the creator of my sinful desires. I have needs. And God knows I do (Mt. 6:8). But, He also said that He is more than enough to meet all my needs (2 Cor. 12:9). Do I believe it? Do I live it?

It's especially easy to become embittered about sexual needs (real and perceived). God has guidelines for a life that will please Him. If we love someone, we strive to please them. When we shift our focus from them to us, we are more likely to act unlovingly. Today's culture resonates our sinful nature, whipping up the idea that we must be gratified right now: I cannot wait. But God encourages patience in everything.

Isa. 30:18

“Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;

he rises to show you compassion.

For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait on him!”

Waiting is not something we like to do. It is hard. It feels pointless. We don't understand why the waiting is necessary. I can see now that if I had married any of the guys I dated before Bryce, it would have been disastrous. I did not know what I wanted, what I needed, or even who I was or wanted to become. After meeting Bryce, I got a clearer picture of the best woman I could be. [Hindsight is a lot closer to God's sight.] He was the first guy who was serious about his faith and who tried to live it, even if it meant putting me off temporarily.

Tit. 2:11-14

“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men.

12It teaches us to say 'No' to ungodliness and worldly passions,

and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,

13while we wait for the blessed hope – the glorious appearing

of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ,

14who gave himself for us to redeem us

from all wickedness and to purify for himself

a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.”

He is coming back! Let us eagerly await Him, doing Good in His Name until that day.

Worthy of the Call: Confession

In my women's Bible Study, we are chugging through the book of Philippians. One of the study books, Living the Letters: Philippians, collects excerpts from various books and asks questions to draw out the main point of the text and newly illuminate its topics. This is an excerpt from In the Name of Jesus by Henri Nouwen, for Philippians 2: 1-8 on the topic of 'One Another.'

“The sacrament of Confession has often become a way to keep our own vulnerability hidden from our community ... How can priests or ministers feel really loved and cared for when they have to hide their own sins and failings from the people to whom they minister and run off to a distant stranger to receive a little comfort and consolation? How can people truly care for their shepherds and keep them faithful to their sacred task when they do not know them and so cannot deeply love them? … It is precisely the men and women who are dedicated to spiritual leadership who are easily subject to very raw carnality. The reason for this is that they do not know how to live the truth of the Incarnation.”

Mr. Nouwen's work is always challenging for me read. I wish the I could read context of this excerpt. What are the passages that surround it? How does he recommend resolving the issues he raises?

He takes no time in raising two central issues to the Christian life: Confession and Sexuality. I will divide my thoughts between two posts. [One of the most challenging things about blogging is to condense volumes into one digestible kernel of Truth. These posts will represent only where I am in wrestling with these life-long topics at this very moment. My views are subject to change, if God wills.]

It is very interesting that those who focus on spiritual leadership “do not know how to live the Truth of the Incarnation” and so are “easily subject to very raw carnality.” It rings true. How many pastors and prominent evangelists have fallen to adulterous behaviors? So many that I practically expect it. It seems only a matter of time before another scandal arises – and that is truly sad.

We must pray for and hold our leaders accountable, all the while remembering they are human, too. We must not be tempted to hold them to a higher account than we are willing to submit to ourselves. Clearly we must stop this double-standard pattern and lift our leaders up to the Only Perfect One. We must trust that He is always at work, crafting each of us into a more perfect and new creation. We must allow our leaders to be human, to be real, to struggle, to come to us for help and prayer. Confession is not a popular topic. It is an even less popular practice. But it is essential if the Body of Christ is to function well. The Apostle Paul challenges us in his letter to the Ephesians:

“I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.

2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (4:1-3).

I heard a gifted teacher, Karen Kutz, last Autumn (2010) illuminate this idea. Living a life 'worthy of our calling' is to remember how impossible the calling is, but how amazing that God gives us the ability, in small steps as we follow Him, to start fulfilling that calling. She reminded me how easy it is for anyone to slip down the slope: anyone could be a monster. The only thing that keeps me from it is God's Grace. In humility, we should hold onto that knowledge – God's Grace is the only rescue, the only redemption. And when we choose to follow Christ, to accept the Father's adoption (Eph. 1:5), we must extend the Grace we hold onto out to others, especially our brothers and sisters in Christ, especially our spiritual leaders. Let us not fall for the Lie that some sins are worse than others. [That is another post.]

Yes, we must challenge leaders, ourselves, and everyone, to strive for excellence, but we need to come down more often on the side of Grace rather than Judgment. “For it is by Grace you have been saved...it is a gift from God” (Eph. 2:8-9). We must Practice Grace, leaving the rest to God.

Bryce's Faith Story

I'm finally ready to share the story of my faith as it has wound through my life. I'm going to warn you all up front: it's not pretty. If you don't want to hear me talk about ugliness that most everyone experiences in life, and my struggles with it, then you may not want to click through to the story. I assure you that I'm not sharing anything here that I'm unwilling to discuss with anyone in person.

So without further ado, my story:

Divine Intervention

The LORD orchestrates my days.

Although it would be easy to discount schedule changes as random, I choose to give God the credit. Before hurtful words were spoken, sending me into an emotional tail-spin, God moved a ministry appointment for me. He cleared my away-from-home tasks and granted me time to heal, to find new perspective, time to Breathe.

When it comes to language and relationship, I am quite literal. I mean what I say and say what I mean. [Of course, I  joke around, but I work to make my insincerity abundantly clear.] I hold fast to the idea that words are powerful, although limited, and I press myself to speak truth at all times. I plumb the depths of my motives, my knowledge, my perspective. I search for words that are clear, precise. [I wish that others would be as careful.]

When new relationships are ambiguous or slow to sink into a solid foundation, building trust is a big challenge for me. If others don't use language to be clear about their thoughts and feelings, how can I know, without a doubt, what they think and feel? [I don't try to be a straight-faced sour-puss all the time; but when forming a new relationship, I need to know the parameters, the boundaries, the truth. From this base I find my equilibrium, my balance in new territory.]

What bothered me most was feeling like I didn't fit in, didn't meet expectations. I felt singled-out, my weakness exposed in screaming yellow, seen as a Fool in front of strangers. But, I most feared being found insufficient in front of my husband – the one person I deeply long to be treasured by. [One of the most amazing things about LOVE is that it Covers – weaknesses, blemishes, imperfections, immaturity. LOVE says, 'I see those things, but I see Beyond them, too. I see the Real you, but also your Grand Potential.'] I feared that he would believe what another woman suggested about me – even if she barely knows me. [I need to trust in him and his love, trust that his knowledge of me is strong enough to withstand petty attacks.]

So I ran, protected myself with quietness. But I worried that her seeds of doubt may take root in my darling's heart. I cast about all day, hugging my accomplishments and abilities to my chest in desperate flailing to be found worthwhile, worthy of love, to salve my wounds. I waited for time to pass, heal. I risked reaching for reassurance. [I am so thankful that I can ask 'stupid' questions of my Lover and he can laugh my fears away, erasing anxiety, pushing those seeds out of my heart dirt and over the rocks where they will dry and die.]

Today, I am more able, willing, to minister to another because my heart is reset, replenished. Yesterday, I thirsted for clear refreshment, for pure love, for being treasured. Today, I am more secure. Thank you, Bryce. Thank you, Jesus.